


He'll Fly Again

by AoKoiClem



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Agender Sugawara Koushi, Angst, Aobajousai, Confused Kageyama Tobio, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Everyone Is Gay, Fluff, Fukuroudani, Gender Dysphoria, Genderfluid Kozume Kenma, Hinata Shouyou is Sunshine, Homophobia, Hurt Hinata Shouyou, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Karasuno, Karasuno Family, M/M, Minor Takeda Ittetsu/Ukai Keishin, Nekoma, Oblivious Kageyama Tobio, Oikawa Tooru is a Good Friend, Oikawa Tooru is a Little Shit, Other, Panic Attacks, Protective Karasuno Volleyball Club, Protective Sugawara Koushi, Sick Hinata Shouyou, Social Anxiety, Team Dad Sawamura Daichi, Team Mom Sugawara Koushi, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Trans Azumane Asahi, Trans Hinata Shouyou, Trans Nishinoya Yuu, Trans Oikawa Tooru, Trans Tanaka Ryuunosuke, Transphobia, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Tsukishima Kei is So Done, Tsukishima Kei is a Good Friend, Worried Sugawara Koushi, Yamaguchi Tadashi is a Good Friend
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-08-09
Updated: 2020-10-07
Packaged: 2021-03-05 19:07:46
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 10
Words: 24,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25810327
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AoKoiClem/pseuds/AoKoiClem
Summary: Shoyo has never had a nice time in school...or at home. His mother loves him, at least he hopes she does. His little sister doesn't understand and constantly misgenders  him.Highschool was fine so far. He'd kept his secret and was able to play in boys volleyball. Terrified of being outed Hinata does his best to avoid making any mistakes. He binds through practice and games. The pain was nothing compared to the thought of being outed. Hinata does his best...but is it enough?(( I'm bad at summaries rip ))
Relationships: Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Hinata Shouyou & Sawamura Daichi, Hinata Shouyou & Sawamura Daichi & Sugawara Koushi, Hinata Shouyou & Sugawara Koushi, Iwaizumi Hajime/Oikawa Tooru, Kozume Kenma/Kuroo Tetsurou, Sawamura Daichi/Sugawara Koushi, Takeda Ittetsu/Ukai Keishin
Comments: 295
Kudos: 575





	1. Kenma always helps.

Hinata had been on edge since that day. He’d stopped showering and changing after practice, figuring it was better to get sick from sweaty clothes and the cold walk home rather than being outed. Anything was better than being outed.

Hinata took a deep breath before walking into the gym for morning practice. He had ran to practice as always had but this time the bandages around his chest were so tight and he had gotten so little sleep that he was panting in pain. 

‘Deep breaths, Shoyo,” he told himself over and over until he’d just barely managed to start breathing decently. 

“Dumbass! Practice is about to start!” Kageyama shouted from the gym entrance, frightening Hinata out of his breathing. 

“Don’t call me that, Bakayama! And I’m coming!” Hinata yelled right back at him as he jogged through the gym door.

Some of the team was doing some light stretches, some were chatting and the rest were changing, he assumed. Hinata rubbed his eyes for a moment before spotting Noya. 

“Noya!” Hinata ran over to Noya who was running towards Hinata with the same enthusiasm. “Noya! How did you do on the test! You were studying so hard!” 

Noya grinned and posed with his hands on his hips. “I made a C!” He laughed proudly.

Hinata nodded and congratulated him. “Wow! Really! That’s like amazing!” 

  
  


Tsukishima tsked and shoved his hands in his pockets, “It’s barely passing, that’s what it

is.” Tsukishima rolled his eyes as Noya shoved the paper in his face. 

“But look! I did better than last time!” Noya proudly exclaimed with a beaming smile. Noya spotted Daichi and Suga who had just entered the gym in their training attire and team jackets. “Suga! Suga! Daichi! Look!” Noya sprinted to them and shoved the paper in their faces. He was bouncing on his feet happily. 

Suga smiled like a proud mother, “Great job, Noya! I’m so proud!” Daichi tilted his head at the paper, confused for a moment until Suga elbowed him subtly, his smile still on their face. 

“Oh! Good job, Noya!” Daichi chuckled nervously and rubbed the back of his neck. Noya remained standing in front of Daichi giving his best puppy dog eyes. Daichi laughed and proceeded to ruffle Noya’s hair. 

Hinata and Noya both perked up at the sound of Tanaka’s screaming, “Guys! Guys! Guess what! I passed my test!” 

Noya tackled Tanaka in a hug and grinned, “we both passed! Whoooo!” 

Coach Ukai just sighed and sat down in a chair while the rest of the team filed in through the door. “It’s a damn test, can’t they fanboy over it later,” he leaned his head back, it was too early for this. He glanced over to Kageyama and Hinata who were bickering once again. 

“Well, if they failed this test they wouldn’t have been able to participate in the practice match against Nekoma, I’m sure they’re excited for that!” Takeda chirped as he sat beside Ukai. 

Ukai blushed and turned away from Takeda, “yeah, I guess so.” He crossed his arms like a pouting child. 

Hinata had finally finished fighting Kageyama and went to sit on the bench. He wanted to get in as many deep breaths as he could before practice started. 

He glanced up at his teammates all enjoying themselves. Tanaka was shouting loudly and pulling Kageyama by the arm towards Noya and Suga. Suga’s eyes widened and they got onto Tanaka for pulling Kageyama by the arm. Suga swiftly delivered a punch to Tanaka’s stomach making him bend over in pain that soon switched to laughter. 

Kiyoko then walked in. Hinata smiled softly. He’d looked up to Kiyoko, they all did. Noya and Tanaka both perked up and got ready to run towards her when Ennoshita grabbed the back of their jackets. He said something to the both of them but it was too quiet for Hinata to hear him.

Narita and Kinoshita both laughed at whatever Ennoshita had said. Tanaka turned around with a playful glare, “You wanna say that again, punk!” 

Kinoshita smirked, “Put your shirt on, baldy!” Tanaka turned towards him and brought his fist up as if going for a punch but just ruffled his hair.

Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were both talking on their own. Tsukishima looked like he always did...salty. Yamaguchi was smiling and showing Tsukishima something on his phone. Cute cat videos, probably. 

Hinata smiled sadly. He was really good friends with everyone on the team. Even Saltyshima! He loved them like family! He knew that deep down they were supportive of all sexualities. Daichi and Suga are dating and no one bothers them about it. 

Infact, Someone from another team had given the two of them some shit and Tanaka had nearly clobbered them! 

Despite all this proof, Hinata’s stomach still reeled at the thought of being outed. What if they made him quit and join the girls team! He groaned and held his stomach. It was flopping around nervously. His entire torso was tender to the touch. He winced slightly. He felt like passing out and throwing up all at the same time. 

Dysphoria wrapped it’s nasty tendrils around his brain and pulled him down. Hinata couldn’t help but think ‘girl’ when he saw his delicate hands. Somewhere behind his suffering he heard Yamaguchi say sorry to Tsukishima most likely. He ran a finger along his wrist and towards his fingers. His skin was soft to the touch. He recoiled. He didn’t want soft skin. 

Hinata’s stomach churned violently. His head was pounding. The screech of shoes and the thud of volleyballs on the gym floor made him want to slam his hands over his ears. Too loud. Hinata looked down. His vision was completely normal but it felt like the room was closing in on him. He shoved his trembling hands into his lap. His throat was painfully dry. Like the time Kageyama and him had a competition to see who could eat the most crackers in a minute. He won. 

Hinata blinked. He grabbed the water and took a couple small sips. The bottle cluttered to the floor as it slid from his grasp. He grabbed the wobbling bottle and set it up straight. Hinata bit his lip, he wanted nothing more than to be at home in his largest hoodie. He sucked in a large breath, ignoring the pain that shot through his body. 

Hinata nearly shot out of his skin when Asahi plopped down beside him. Hinata let out a yelp and tumbled from the bench. Asahi panicked and apologized profusely, barely giving Hinata time to accept his apology. “Ahh! Hinata! Are you okay? I’m SO sorry!” Asahi helped pull Hinata back up to the bench. “I”m so sorry! Oh my gosh! Are you okay? I’m Sorry!” 

Hinata winced when he hit the ground. The air was knocked out of his lungs making him take a couple painful deep breaths. Hinata smiled at Asahi. “Don’t worry about it! I’m okay! Just a little bruise, nothing I can’t handle!” Hinata laughed at Asahi’s frightened expression.Hinata beamed at Asahi tryings to make the gentle giant feel better, “Asahi! I promise, I’m perfectly fine!” 

Asahi relaxed a bit after Hinata assured him he was fine another six times. Hinata was all too aware of the clock slowly ticking down before practice starts.He rubs his chest softly, begging for the pain to go away. Hinata smiles at something Asahi says but the smile slips from his face when he spots Coach Ukai staring straight at Hinata with a firm expression, something akin to the look Oikawa had given him after their first practice game. 

*** Start of flashback***

Hinata grinned as he felt the ball smack against his hand. The deafening silence that came afterwards, then the cheers of his teammates. Suga ruffled his hair and Tanaka engulfed him in a hug. 

Hinata then turned to say something to Oikawa, The Great King, only to find him staring straight at Hinata with a firm expression. An expression that chilled Hinata to the bone. He hadn’t ever seen Oikawa with that kind of expression on the court. 

Kageyama who was a couple feet from Hinata glanced back to Oikawa, “oi, dumbass! What did you do to piss off Oikawa?” 

Hinata shrugged, “I dunno. Maybe he was so amazed by your sets that he’s jealous!” Hinata grinned at Kageyama who simply shrugged and muttered an insult. 

The two teams bowed towards each other. They then proceeded to scatter into separate groups and began to chat. 

Hinata was with Suga and Daichi at the time. They were both congratulating him on winning with his spike. 

“But Iwa-chan!!!” Hinata glanced back at the sudden shout. Oikawa was grabbing onto Iwaizumi’s arm like a child. “I just have go tell Chibi-chan how proud I am of his spike!! Please Iwa-chan!” He pouted like a puppy. 

Iwaizumi shoved Oikawa off of him and shrugged, “whatever, shittykawa,” 

Oikawa grinned and made his way over to Hinata, Daichi and Suga. “You don’t mind if I borrow Chibi-chan, do you?” Oikawa gently laid his arms over Hinata’s shoulders but even that made him wince from the pain. 

Hinata smiled at Daichi and Suga, “I’ll be fine! Don’t worry!” Oikawa took this as a sign to tug Hinata into the empty hallway. 

Oikawa’s smile faded, “Chibi-chan. If you ever do that during a game with me, I will personally drag you off the court,” Oikawa had a look in his eyes he’d never seen before. 

“Do what?” Hinata tilted his head, genuinely confused. Nervousness ate at him though. His hands were trembling behind his back as he smiled. 

Oikawa frowned, “Chibi-chan...you know exactly what I’m talking about.” Oikawa stomped his foot like a pouting child but the expression on his face remained icy. 

Hinata’s breaths got quicker. There was really only one thing that Oikawa could be talking about. He bit his lip, hard, hoping the pain would ground him. He stumbled back a couple steps, nearly falling to the floor. Oikawa gently steadied him. His hand on Hinata’s shoulder. 

“Chibi-chan, I’m not gonna hurt you.” Oikawa’s hand fell from Hinata’s shoulder. Hinata was frozen in fear. No one was supposed to know. He thought he was doing well hiding it. Did he not pass as well as he thought he did? “Chibi-chan, the only reason I knew was because I saw you wincing everytime you moved.Stop thinking whatever you’re thinking and look at me.”   
  


Hinata gulped and looked up at Oikawa, “I mean it. If you’re binding during our next game. I will drag you off the court. I mean it. It's not safe, understand?” 

Hinata wanted to nod. He wanted to agree with Oikawa but binding was the one thing that kept him from looking like a girl. He couldn’t not bind during a game. A sports bra just wouldn’t cut it. He nodded weakly, he didn’t mean it. He just wanted Oikawa to go away. Wanted to go back and let Daichi mess up his hair or Suga lecture him for just running off with Oikawa. 

Oikawa huffed, “Chibi-chan, I can’t force you to do anything and I’m not gonna out you to your teammates though I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t mind just please don’t bind during games. It’s dangerous and you could get hurt. How are you supposed to be the next tiny giant if you aren’t healthy enough to spike?” Oikawa put his hands on his hips. 

Hinata looked at the ground and suddenly Oikawa’s gym shoes were very interesting. “Hey, Shittykawa! You done with Hinata yet? His team is about to load up onto the bus and you forgot your bin-” Iwaizumi cut himself off as he saw that Hinata was still there. “Oh.” 

“Iwa-chan!” Oikawa cheered with a cheeky grin as if nothing had just happened. 

Hinata bowed at the two of them, “I apologize for any inconvenience I may have caused.” He then ran off and grabbed his gym bag, not bothering to change, and ran to the bus. 

***end of flashback***

Hinata felt himself shrink under the harsh gaze of Coach Ukai.Now he wanted nothing more than for practice to start. Hinata’s leg bounced as he waited. “Alright! Gather ‘round!” Coach Ukai shouted.Everyone sat in front of him waiting to hear what today's morning practice was going to be.”We’re going to be working on receiving! That’s something we really need to nail down. We’ve seen first hand that some of us aren’t the best at receives. We can’t let Oikawa find a weak link in the chain again. Daichi, you’ve got the 2nd years and 3rd years, Noya you’ve got the 1st years. Now go, shoo,” coach Ukai made a shooing motion and the team scattered to follow their respective mentor for the morning. 

Practice went by quickly. Hinata honestly didn’t remember that much of it. He vaguely remembered being clobbered in the face by a serve from Yamaguchi who nearly cried as he apologized at least ten times. He also remembered Tanaka getting out of control and Kinoshita wacking him atop his head. 

Hinata sat through class. He barely paid attention today. He tried, he did but he just couldn’t manage to understand anything. He had taken half hearted notes for a participation grade. He looked at the paper and saw that most of the notes were one worded and barely legible. He sighed and put his head on his desk. 

“I’m also passing back your test from last week, make ups will be available afterschool and during lunch for the remainder of this week.” The teacher began to pass out papers. 

Hinata tapped his finger mindlessly against his desk until Kageyama turned to him, “dumbass! Stop doing that” Hinata gulped and put his hands in his lap. 

Hinata winced as his teacher placed the test face down on his desk. Teachers only did that when you did embarrassingly bad. Kageyama got his test and let out a “whoop!” obviously proud of his score. 

Hinata grabbed the test and pressed his face against the desk so only he would be able to see his grade. He saw the 61% glaring at him in red ink. He swallowed and pressed the paper back down. He passed...Tsukishima’s words echoed in his mind, “ It’s barely passing, that’s what it

is.” If Noya’s C was barely passing what would a measly 61% be? 

Hinata chugged the water from his water bottle. His throat burned, even after the water. Kageyama was boasting about his 82% and it just made Hinata feel worse. He was looking forward to showing Noya and Tanaka his passing score. They’d helped him study for this test. He felt like he let them down. His heart clenched painfully. 

Hinata took his time packing up. Normally he was the first one out the door but he didn’t want to deal with the rush of students on the way to lunch, “you coming?” Hinata looked up and saw Kageyama waiting by the door. 

Hinata shook his head lightly, a lump caught in his throat, “I’ve got something to do today, I’ll see you at practice. Yeah?” Hinata smiled tightly. 

Kageyama shrugged, “Okay, bye, dumbass!” 

Hinata stumbled through the halls. He ended up sitting on the grass at the backside of the gym. He’d heard them practicing during lunch. The few who chose to, anyways. He tried his best not to break down but the crinkled paper before him was just making everything worse. 

Hinata couldn’t stop himself from crying. Hot, gross, wet tears fell down his face. He wiped them, or tried to at least but it didn’t help.He debated calling Kenma. Kenma always helped him calm down from panic attacks. 

Hinata let out a gasp as he tried to breathe through his sobs. His chest hurt. His body hurt. It all felt wrong. 

Wrong 

Wrong. 

He clawed at his arms. Gasping for air he curled into a ball. He whimpered. “Why…?” it came out as a broken sob. Hinata couldn’t stop the thoughts from surfacing, the memories of junior high. 

_You’re not a boy...you’re just confused_

_Hey! That’s the boys bathroom!_

_Hinata! Why are you wearing the boys uniform?_ _  
_

_Confused. Wrong._

Hinata hated days like this. He knew deep down there was nothing wrong with him but days like this when everything built up it was hard to breathe, even hard to to keep himself together. 

Hinata froze for a moment. He’d promised Kenma he would call him the next time he had a panic attack. His fingers lingered over the screen until he finally pressed the button. 

Hinata’s breathing got quicker with each ring. There was a sudden click and then silence. Normally Hinata instantly started to talk Kenma’s ear off.

“Shoyo?”

Hinata sniffled pathetically, “I-I’m sorry, Kenma!” Hinata was tempted to hang up. He was probably being annoying. 

“Shoyo? What’s wrong? Is it a panic attack?” Kenma asked quietly. 

“Y-yeah...I’m sorry...I can go if you’re busy…”   
  


There was a moment of silence before Kenma responded, “no no, it’s okay. Kuroo was just forcing me to set for Lev but I don’t care,” there was shuffling in the background and Hinata could clearly hear an ‘oof’ sound coming from Lev. “Shoyo? You remember the exercises I taught you?” 

Hinata nodded silently before realizing Kenma couldn’t see him, “Y-yeah, I remember…” He looked around desperately, “I uhm...I see the trees, grass...errr, the sky, some cars and my papers…” 

Kenma sounded calm and collected and it truly helped to ground Hinata, “okay, what do you feel?” 

“My phone, the grass, the wall against my back and-” he choked on a sob, kenma waited patiently for him to list off another item, “I-I can feel my clothes.” 

Kenma hummed, “and what do you hear, Shoyo?” 

“You, me crying and the wind?” 

“I can smell the grass, I think the janitor just mowed…” he sniffled, “and I can smell food from the cafeteria…and I can taste salty tears…” Hinata finished off the exercise. 

“Sho?” 

Hinata sniffled, “Thank you, Kenma...I Know I call you a lot and stuff but I really appreciate you helping me. Things just aren’t going very well for me today..” Hinata’s voice was scratchy

“I dont mind, _go away lev!_ You’re my friend...I just wanna know why you didn’t go to Suga? They’re basically your mom…” Kenam stated then a moment later “ _Lev, if you don’t go away I’ll find Yaku!”_

Hinata paused, “I-I don’t know….I just didn’t feel like bothering Suga…” 

Kenma huffed, “there's something bothering you, Sho. I won't force it out of you but I’m here for you…” Kenma said awkwardly, causing Hinata to laugh a bit. 

“It doesn’t feel right telling you over the phone...maybe at the next practice match? That’s coming up soon? Okay?” Hinata nibbled on his lip. He hadn’t told Kenma he was trans yet.

“That’s okay...and the practice match will be fine. Bye Sho,” Kenma said as he hung up. 

Hinata had pretty much calmed down by now. His next class would be starting soon. He hadn’t eaten lunch, his entire body hurt and he now had a headache. Great. He stood up, swaying slightly, and headed to his next class. For once, he was actually dreading practice 

  
  



	2. No Practice for Hinata

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This chapter mentions bruises, nothing too graphic but just thought I'd mention it. Also Hinata like passes out so- Yeah LKS:dj;lf 
> 
> I probably wont be getting other chapters out this quickly but I was super motivated got this out quickly and theres a lot of dialogue so hopefully its all pretty much in characters *SWeats NErvously* also Im SO Bad at naming chapters; lkaj;lskd 
> 
> again feel free to call me out on any typos 
> 
> and all of you trans darlings are magnificent and perfect in your own way :3 (take my affection)  
> (for any future reference my pronouns are they/them :3)

Hinata approached the gym slowly, his feet shuffling. He wasn’t paying too much attention to what was around him. He had the wadded up test in his hands still. He tossed it back and forth, trying to occupy himself. He was fighting with himself, stuck between not caring about class and caring too much. He really wanted to stay on the team but his motivation to try in class seemed to be zapped everytime he sat down at his desk.

Hinata looked up, the gym was still fairly empty. The only team members present at the moment were Suga, Kageyama, and Daichi. Hinata slipped off his shoes awkwardly, abandoning them by the door. 

Kageyama looked embarrassed about something and quickly strode off towards his gym bag. 

Suga smiled at him, noticing the balled up paper but not mentioning it, “hey, Hinata!” Suga waved him over. 

Hinata smiled, tossing his balled up test into the trash can, and slid over on his socks before slipping his gym shoes on. “Yeah?” He tilted his head in confusion.

“How’d you do on your test? Kageyama was just telling us about his score,” Suga gave a comforting smile. 

“O-oh...I did uhm,” Hinata gulped. He didn’t really want to mention it. He’d been beating himself up over that score.

“Dumbass! Your score doesn’t matter! Here!” Kageyama interrupted, shoving a box into Hinata’s chest making him wince. Kageyama grumbled and looked away from Hinata. 

Hinata opened the box curiously and then smiled. “A bento box?” He looked curiously towards Kageyama who had a faint blush covering his face. 

“Yu-Yeah! I- My mom made it for me but I just had pork buns for lunch and you were gone so...uhh..you can have it?” Kageyama glanced at Hinata just long enough for Hinata to look at him with sparkling eyes. 

“Oh my gosh! Kageyama! You have a heart! I bet it tastes really good!” Hinata cried out in excitement. He’d gone to Kageyama’s house for dinner before since his mom had been wanting to meet his new friend only to discover that they bickered constantly. 

Hinata plopped down on the bench and shoved a bite of the homemade food into his mouth. He sagged down and smiled. “This is really good!” He said around a mouthful of food. 

“Hinata! Don’t talk with food in your mouth!” Suga scolded him gently. 

Hinata smiled, feeling happy for a moment. Daichi chuckled at Kageyama whose face had turned a darker shade of red. Hinata shoveled another bite into his mouth, swallowing without chewing. Coughing a couple times which prompted Suga to pat him gently on the back. Hinata did his best to not tense up under the touch, hoping that his jacket disguised the feeling of the bandages around his chest. Hinata smiled nervously, shoving another bite into his mouth. 

  
Tsukishima and Yamaguchi were chatting as they entered the gym, well Yamaguchi was chatting. Tsukishima was just nodding every so often. He looked up and spotted the familiar Bento box he’d seen Kageyama eating out of on previous days and raised his brow. “Did the King make the simpleton idiot lunch?” He teased. 

Kageyama glared at Tsukishima who just smirked. 

Hinata gulped down his food, “Nope! His mom made it!” Hinata chirped, “It’s really yummy too!” 

  
Kageyama spun to glare at Hinata, “Hinata!” He hissed with a faint embarrassed blush. 

Tsukishima covered his mouth and snickered, “awwwah, does The King’s mommy still makes him lunch?” 

Kageyama opened his mouth to refute the statement but just grumbled and stormed off. 

Yamaguchi smiled, “I think it’s cute, Tsukki!” Yamaguchi skipped over to look at the bento box which was pretty much devoured by now. 

The rest of the team filed in one by one as Hinata finished up the food.He sat the box down on the bench and sighed. He closed his eyes, taking a deep breath. His headache still hadn’t gone away. He opened his eyes and saw Yachi looking at him from across the gym. He waved wildly and smiled at her. 

Yachi smiled widely and ran across the court. “Hi, Hinata! Sorry I couldn't make it to practice this morning! I woke up late! And then I missed the bus! And Everything went wrong! I was even late to first hour! Can you believe that! I was so nervous!” Yachi flapped her hands hysterically. 

Hinata laughed and pat the spot beside him. “That must’ve been no fun! I’m glad you were able to make it to the afternoon practice though!” 

Yachi nodded, “oh! You’re test! Did you pass?” 

Hinata flinched, “uhm, I barely passed...Kageyama did better than me which is good for him! He was really proud of it!” Hinata flashed her a tense smile. 

Yachi tilted her head, “oh, you worked really hard! Too bad...this can be motivation! You can beat Kageyama next time! Oh OH! Or you could ask Kageyama to help you! I know I’m not very good at helping you after all!” Yachi pat Hinata’s shoulder harder than she meant to and he grimaced and eased away from her. 

“I think you were really good at helping me! Better than Saltyshima at least! All he did was gripe and tell us how bad we were doing!” 

Yachi waved her hand in front of her face, embarrassed. “Heh! Still, I think Kageyama would help if you asked him to!” 

Hinata huffed and parted his hair to mimic Kageyama, “Dumbass Hinata! Why would I wanna help you?” His voice was lower which irritated his throat. 

Tanaka belted out laughing as he plopped down beside Hinata. “That was spot on, Shorty!” Tanaka smacked Hinata’s back passionately. 

Hinata let out a wheeze and went into a small coughing fit. He felt a wave of nausea come over him. He could’ve sworn he was going to hurl. 

Yachi was about to let out a panicked shout when she heard Daichi yell. “All right! We’re starting!” 

Hinata quickly stood, doing his best to stay upright. His mind was spinning. He quickly toppled over, his back hit the floor, sending him into another coughing fit. He began to wheeze. He could hear a rattling coming from his chest. 

“Hinata! Oh my god! Hinata are you okay!?” Hinata vaguely heard Yachi and Tanaka’s panicked shouts. He saw a blurry hand waving in front of his face. The hand disappeared for a moment. His thoughts paused. Everything seemed to stop. 

  
  


“HINATA!” Yachi was panicked, her breathing getting quicker. 

There was a scuffle, shoes squeaking and the gym went quiet. The scent of cigarettes flooded his scenes. His visions seemed to return and he tried to push himself up only to have two strong hands hold him down. He blinked. Coach Ukai was crouched beside him, “Shorty?” His voice was low. 

Hinata groaned and nodded, “Can you tell me where you are?” 

Hinata nodded, “The gym, practice…” His words were slurred slightly. 

Hinata’s eyes quickly widened as Coach Ukai picked him up. He was swiftly delivered back to the bench, laying down with a jacket under his head. “No practice for you today. You’re resting.” It was a command. 

Hinata gaped and tried to sit up, “coach! I wanna practice!” 

Ukai met his eyes and groaned, “Kid, what good are you gonna do in practice if you can’t even stand up straight?” Hinata nodded reluctantly. Ukai spun around and looked at the group of kids before nodding at Tanaka, “You’re on babysitting duty, Tanaka!” Ukai barked

Tanaka thought it through for a moment, he wanted to practice but the guilt for slapping Hinata on the back so hard he had a coughing fit was more than enough to sit out for the day. Tanaka sat down beside Hinata. Yachi was busy questioning Hinata asking if he was alright. 

Practice soon started, Hinata was beyond jealous as he watched Asahi’s spikes blow past Tsukishima’s blocks. Tsukishima had gotten frustrated after 3 of Asahi’s spikes got through his block. Hinata couldn’t help but glare at Tsukishima who was letting his frustration build up. 

Hinata huffed and crossed his arms, all too aware of the pain that shot through him. Tanaka was eagerly watching the practice. He had his hands clenched as if he wanted to be on the court. “Tsukishima! Put that frustration into your blocks!” Coach Ukai’s voice echoed throughout the gym as he rotated back to the front.Tsukishima huffed but made no move to show he had even heard his coach.

Hinata’s eyes moved to look at Suga, they had a large smile on their face. Everytime they set the ball for one of their teammates their smile seemed to grow. Hinata loved the way Suga somehow connected with everyone on the court. It was inspiring watching them 

Yachi’s leg bounced nervously as she glanced at Hinata, “Uhm...H-Hinata?” Yachi called out quietly, her voice nearly drowned out by the squeaks of shoes.

“Yachi?” Hinata shifted to look at her. 

Yachi reached towards Hinata for a moment, both her hand and her gaze falling. “I just...wanted to ask if you’re okay? Since that practice match with that scary dude with the scary serve and Iwaizumi you’ve been acting strange? I guess? I’m sorry if I’m intruding on anything. I’m just…” Yachi paused, risking a glance at Hinata, “worried…” Yachi fiddled with her hands in her lap. 

A pang of sadness shot through Hinata. This was his family. He hated lying to them. His throat burned. He hadn’t ever kept something this big from family. It felt wrong. It felt so, so wrong to keep this from them. It was moments like this, when Yachi or Yamaguchi approached Hinata admitting how worried they were that he almost told everyone. 

But Hinata couldn’t. He just couldn’t. The courage he felt from Yachi’s words quickly faded, only to be replaced with fear, guilt, and shame. He was so scared of what would happen if they found out he was trans. He’d seen videos online of families kicking their kids out for being trans and he didn’t want that. Guilt gnawed at his brain. He was ashamed of himself for lying to the people who had been there for him no matter what. 

A sob nearly escaped him but he held it in, giving Yachi a teary eyed, sad smile. “I’m struggling with something...personal, Yachi...but I’ll be okay..” He didn’t have it in him to say the words, ‘I’m fine’ again. He couldn’t lie to her face like that. 

Hinata shifted to look back at the game, he had moved to where he was resting his head in Yachi’s lap. He was about to move when he felt Yachi’s fingers softly combing through his hair. Hinata made no move to protest. Kenma always did this same thing when they were meeting in person and Hinata started to panic. He would never say anything but it was comforting. 

“Well, Hinata. I’m here for you if you need anything...we all are,” Yachi gestured to the court with her free hand.

  
“I know.” Hinata muttered lamely. 

Practice seemed to last 10 times longer when you weren’t actually allowed to practice. Hinata and Tanaka were both completely and utterly bored and practice was just half way through. Hinata had decided to take a nap, falling asleep to the feeling of Yachi’s fingers combing through his hair. 

Tanaka however was stuck just watching the team work on their serves as the clock ticked by slowly. “UGHhh,” he threw his hands up in frustration. 

“Tanaka! Hush! You’ll wake Hinata!” Yachi whispered nervously- nervous about complaining about how loud Tanaka was or nervous about almost waking Hinata? Both probably. 

Tanaka made a ‘Huh?’ sound and and looked down to see Hinata sleeping, soft snores being drowned out by Noya’s shouts. “Oh! He should've stayed home if he wasn’t feeling good.” Tanaka crossed his arms and pouted. This must be how Asahi feels when he accidentally spikes a ball into Hinata’s face. 

Yachi smiled awkwardly, “I tried to stop him last night...he said he wasn’t feeling well but he didn’t want to let the team down and I think he said something about Kageyama throwing him away? I don’t know he was super tired and sick so it could’ve been nonsense.”

Tanaka groaned, “I’ll knock some sense into him when he’s not sick!” Hinata groaned softly, shifting in Yachi’s lap, “softly…” he added on.

Yachi giggled at Tanaka. “And I’ll stand behind you with a stern look! Can I even give a stern look? Probably not, I’d just look constipated but I will tell him to take better care of himself.” Yachi trailed off as she glanced at the clock. “oH, Practice is over!” 

Daichi glanced at Yachi, then to the clock, then to Coach Ukai who nodded. “Alright, guys! Time to start cleaning up!” Daichi announced, tossing the ball he had in his hands into the ball cart. 

Suga was the first to approach Yachi and Hinata. They had a worried expression, “Is Hinata okay?” They pressed a hand against Hinata’s forehead, “he doesn’t have a fever..” 

“He might be tired, he was up really late studying for that test today!” Yachi told Suga. 

Suga hummed, “maybe…” they glanced at Yachi then back to Hinata. “Hinata…” Suga spoke softly, they pressed a hand on Hinata’s shoulder. “Come on. It’s time to wake up, Hinata,” 

Hinata’s eyes flickered open. He looked lazily at Suga and Yachi. He rubbed his eyes and sat up. “Hi, guys..” Yachi smiled softly and Suga grinned 

Suga pat him softly on the shoulder, “gather your stuff and head home, stay home tomorrow if you’re still feeling sick. You can’t practice like this.” Suga said before Daichi called them over.

Hinata did as he was asked, grabbing his gym bag and heading towards the gym door. “Dumbass! Wait for me!” Hinata paused, glancing back at Kageyama who was running towards him.

Hinata smiled as Kageyama caught up with him. The two of them walked together after practice most days. Hinata passed the bento box back to Kageyama once they were off school property, figuring he’d wait until Saltyshima couldn’t tease him.

Kageyama took it from his hands, “why’d you come to school if you’re sick? Dumbass” Kageyama muttered. 

Hinata paused for a moment, “I didn’t want to let anyone down...I guess….I don’t know” 

“That’s stupid!” Kageyama blurted out. 

“Huh? Bakaeyama! It’s not stupid!” 

“Yes, it is!” 

“Isn’t!” 

“Is!” 

…….

“I meant...its stupid that you thought that….we’re your team, right? So we need you at your full health so you can jump to your highest and run the fastest...Dumbass. If you practice while you’re sick you’d be letting us down, not the other way around.” Kageyama crossed his arms, a constipated look on his face, and glanced away. 

Hinata fiddled with his hands, “oh….I just- Kageyama did you eat too many pork buns? You look sick now?” 

Kageyama growled, “No, dumbass! That’s my normal face!” 

Hinata pouted, “Nu uh! Your normal face is like this!” Hinata parted his hair and made a face similar to Kageyama’s go to grumpy expression. 

“I don’t look like that!” Kageyama swatted at Hinata who dodged and jogged away from Kageyama. 

“Yes you do! Tanaka said so!” Hinata shouted as he ran a couple feet in front of Kageyama. Hinata laughed loudly 

  
  


Hinata smiled when he sat down on his bed, his walk with Kageyama was fun! He pulled out his folder of half hearted notes and homework. 

Hinata worked on his homework. It was confusing considering he hadn’t paid attention to any of his classes today and one page of his notes was just the words, “write notes later... “ and then a drawing of an octopus that took up the entire page. 

Hinata’s phone dinged, he perked up and looked to see Kenma had texted him.

_9:34pm_

_Kenma: sho._

Hinata typed up a response

_9:39pm_

_Hinta: HEY KENMA! How’re you?? I Drew this funky looking octopus! Wanna see it? What all did you do today??_ _＼(＾▽＾)／_

Kenma’s response came quickly. 

_9:41pm_

_Kenma: Hello, sho._

_I’m glad you’re feeling better._

_Kuroo says he wants to see the octopus_

_And I played my psp, that was fun_

  
  


_9:45pm_

_Hinata: Image attached_

_9:46pm_

_Hinata: KUROO! Tell him I said hi! I didn’t get to practice today which was no fun! ( ; ω ; ) COach said I needed to rest! And THEN SUga said I SHOULD stay HOMe TOMorrow if IM still SICK BUT THEN I’ll MISS PRACTICE… WHAT DO I DO KENMA?? AHHHH_

_9:48pm_

_Kenma: Kuroo said he’s going to frame the octopus._

_And if you’re sick you should stay home, Shoyo. If you get too sick you might have to go to the hospital_

_You don’t like hospitals._

_9:52pm_

_Hinata; OMG Kenma! (≧◡≦) ♡ YOu’re so smart! I should stay home if im sick! HOspitals are SO SCARY!_

Hinata set his phone down. He took a deep breath. He unwrapped the bandages and set them aside. He winced at the movement. Nasty bruises covered his entire chest. He grabbed a cream for bruises and gently spread it on them. He dropped his shirt down and sighed. 

He abandoned his notes on his desk. He laid down and coughed purposely. He hooked up his headphones to his phone and played some soft music. His eyes fluttered shut for a moment before his phone dinged again. 

_10:11pm_

_Yachi: Hey, Hinata! How’re you feeling now? Did you get your homework done?_

_10:13pm_

_Hinata: Yeah, I finished most of my homework BUT IDIdn’t have mY NOtes! WEllI DID but I didn’t reallY Take anY GOOD notes so I don’t THINK i’ll pass the assINGMents. And uhm, I’m feeling a little bit better. I might stay home tomorrow?_

_10:14pm_

_Yachi: You should totally stay home tomorrow if you need to! Suga offered to walk me by your house tomorrow after school and I can bring you your work and some soup!_

Hinata’s heart thumped, it was a lovely thought, that his friends wanted to comfort him. He glanced at the bandages…

_10:17pm_

_Hinata: Okay! Just send me a text when you get here! If I stay home that is! (´,,•ω•,,)♡_

_10:18pm_

_Yachi: Sure thing! Get some rest, Hinata! I’ll see you tomorrow!_

Hinata shoved the bandages under his bed. He was looking forward to staying home tomorrow but nervous beyond belief that Suga and Yachi would be coming to his house. He gulped. How would he manage to hide it now. If he had told Yachi not to come it would’ve hurt her feelings and he didn’t want that…

Hinata turned the music up and rolled over. He focused on the music...he’d have to come up with a solution tomorrow because right now he just wanted to sleep. Before dozing off he heard Natsu shout from outside his door, “Mom said you need to go to bed now!” 

He then drifted off. Hoping that the nightmares from previous nights would stay away for at least one night. 

  
  


Hinata shot up at a sudden honk coming from his phone, that's the notification he set to people who annoyed him! 

He opened his phone and glanced at the time, _2:30am_ , he saw a text from Saltyshima! He opened the message and saw 3 images attached with a message.

_2:30am_

_Saltyshima: Kenma will be grumpy if you’re not at the practice match which means Kuroo will be extra annoying. Retake the test and get a score better than a 61%._

The images attached were perfectly taken notes from Tsukishima! Hinata gasped and quickly typed a response 

_2:31am_

_Hinata: OMGOSH THANK YOU SALTYSHIMA (≧◡≦) ♡ (つ≧▽≦)つ_

Tsukishima hadn’t responded after that so Hinata assumed he’d gone to bed. Hinata held his phone close to him and closed his eyes but sleep came more difficult this time as he had to shake off the excitement of retaking the test and doing better.He was planning to retake the test no matter what but with these notes he’d be sure to pass! 

_5:39am_

_Saltyshima: ew._

  
  



	3. Natsu and Sugamama

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Did someone order a heaping dose of Sugamama? cuz I'm delivering.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: There will be a panic attack in this chapter (more detailed than the previous one), as well as slight mentions of self harm and dysphoria....
> 
> ANYWAYS, I really enjoyed writing this chapter, I just I dunno what happened but i managed to pump out 5k words like 0.o WOT but anywhooo. (if anyone spots me using he/him pronouns for suga pls lemme know cuz i kept messing up, i think i fixed most of my mistakes but yeah) 
> 
> and surprise, surprise , this was actually completely ready to go up yesterday but I felt like waiting an extra day just because I couldn't decide whether to chop this chapter into two pieces. Even at the time skip bit It didn't feel right to cut it off so y'all get an extra long chapter :3 
> 
> I hope y'all enjoy! Hopefully, the next chapter will be up soon :p
> 
> (okay but can we talk about how happy Hinata is at the end of this chapter? j;alksd AHH....alSO who do y'all think is gonna be the next to find out that Hinata is trans? Excluding Kenma ofc :p hehe )

Hinata groaned, there was a pressure on his chest. A familiar one that he had come to expect in the mornings. He forced his eyes open. The sun hadn’t even risen yet. His room was dark aside from the nightlight he’d set up for when Natsu came crawling into his room in the middle of the night.Hinata couldn’t really remember the first time Natsu crawled into his bed. It just always seemed to happen. 

Hinata looked down to Natsu who was clinging onto him like a koala. Her favorite stuffed animal stuffed in between the two of them. It was a rooster that she insisted on naming Harold. It was old and dirty, she never let anyone wash it. 

“Sissy, is it time to get up?” Natsu asked softly as she started to wake up. A couple silent seconds passed, “Sorry, sorry….I meant Bubba.” She blinked at him before shoving her face into Harold’s stuffed body. 

Hinata cringed at her choice of words but sighed, she was trying and that meant a lot to him. Hinata shifted slightly before nodding, “yeah, It’s time to get up. You can go get ready if you’d like? I’m not feeling well so I’m gonna stay home today. I’ll still make breakfast for you though,” 

Natsu sat up quickly, as if she wasn’t even tired. “Food?” her brown eyes were wide with excitement. That was something the two of them shared, a love for food. “Okay! Okay! I’ll go get ready!” She hopped off of Hinata’s bed. She ran towards his door but slid to a stop. Bouncing on her feet as she turned around with a serious expression, “watch Harold!” She then ran out of the room, leaving the door wide open. 

Hinata chuckled and set Harold, who had fallen onto the floor in Natsu’s escape to get read, on the bed. His bed was a mess. He decided that he wouldn’t be making it today, not that he ever did, since he was staying home. 

He grabbed a shirt and shorts and quickly threw them on, keeping his eyes shut as he did so. The bandages stayed under his bed though. He knew he needed a day without them. He stretched gently, his body ached. A dull pain was present as he stretched. He couldn’t stop himself from letting out an, “owww,” midway through his stretch. 

Hinata busied himself in the kitchen as he heard a couple thuds coming from Natsu’s room. He smiled, his little sister was like a miniature version of him. He cooked a simple breakfast for today, it was Natsu’s favorite. Bacon, eggs, and sausage. She had once tried to convince him to make nothing but bacon for breakfast but it was quickly shot down by their exasperated mother. 

“Is the food done!” Natsu’s voice echoed through the house, followed by the slamming of a door. She sprinted through the hall, nearly toppling over as she lost her footing. She eagerly climbed into a chair and bounced anxiously as she watched Hinata place some food on an orange plastic plate, Natsu’s plate. She had a habit of dropping plates. 

Hinata nodded, “I just finished!” He chirped and placed the plate in front of Natsu.

Natsu beamed at him and instantly went to eat a piece of bacon. Her face crinkled and she dropped it back onto the plate. “Hot! Hot! Ow! Hot!” She yelped. 

Hinata shook his head and placed his own plate on the table. He slid his mother’s plate into its spot as well. A mug of steaming coffee was placed beside it. He frowned slightly. His mother seemed to be talking less and less at breakfast and dinner. He headed back to the kitchen, “Natsu! Milk or Juice?” 

“Juice!” Natsu answered. Her voice somewhat muffled, Hinata assumed the bacon had cooled just enough to eat. 

Hinata came back into the dining area with two identical orange plastic cups of apple juice. He finally sat down and began to eat his own food. Not taking any time at all. Natsu gulped down all the apple juice and then happily grinned. “I finished!” she pointed to her empty plate. Hinata ruffled her hair and continued to shovel food into his mouth. 

The mood in the room seemed to die down as their mother walked into the room. She looked exhausted despite her work attire already being worn. Hinata assumed she slept in it. The bags under her eyes seemed to get worse everyday. She sat down at the table. The coffee was the only thing that ever interested her. She sipped it, slowly, as to be sure that it was made correctly. 

Hinata stopped eating, his appetite gone. Natsu’s smile had gotten smaller but it was still there. The clock ticking and the AC were the only sounds in the house. Hinata extended his foot to bump into Natsu’s foot. Natsu hastily returned the favor. However, the two of them froze when their mother placed her mug down on the table. 

“I have to work late again. Shoyo, walk your sister to school and please pick her up as well.” There was no space for Hinata to argue. He wanted to tell her that he was sick, that he didn’t have the energy to but his problems seemed insignificant when compared to his exhausted mother. His mother ate a couple bites of food and stood, swiftly walking to the foyer where her purse and shoes rested. She grabbed them and walked out, not even bothering with a “have a nice day!” or a “I’ll see you tonight” 

Natsu frowned, “Sho...I can walk on my own! You said you’re sick!” Natsu huffed and crossed her arms. 

Hinata smiled at her, “I’ll just get extra rest once I’ve dropped you off! Don’t worry!” Hinata assured his sister. 

Natsu pouted but agreed. Hinata urged her to go grab her school bag while he washed the dishes from breakfast. His hands stung slightly from the hot water but he didn’t mind. He sighed and dried his hands off. 

Hinata grabbed his phone off the charger and saw he had too many messages. He unlocked his phone and saw various messages from his team and Kenma. 

_5:30am_

_Kenma: Good morning, Sho. Are you staying home today?_

_6:24am_

_Hinata: GOODMORNING KENMA! (≧◡≦) ♡ DId you sleep good? I did! I think? Saltyshima woke me up reaLLYY early! I fell back asleep though! And theN WHen I woke UP Natsu Was cuddling with me! :LSKDJ; f KENMA I DIDN’T TAKE A PICTURE, I SHOULD’VE TAKEn a PICTURE ヽ(°〇°)ﾉ_

_6:26am_

_Kenma: Shoyo. You’re too hyper._

_You didn’t even answer my question._

_And_

_Image attached_

_You already have plenty of pictures of Natsu cuddling with you._

_This one is my favorite._

_6:27am_

_Hinata: OH oHOH, Yeah! I’m staying HOme! I need to go TELl YACHI and Sgua ! I have to walk Natsu TO SChOOL TOO ahHH_

_6:27am_

_Hinata: AHH, I meant SUGa*_

_6:28am_

_Kenma: Okay. Rest today, Sho. I have to go soon. Kuroo has threatened a;ks;j_

_6:29am_

_Hinata: ?? Kenma?_

_6:30am_

_Kenma: Sorry, Kuroo threw me over his shoulder. “You kept walking into things, Kitten!” I don’t recall walking into anything though. I have to go now, Sho. We’ll talk later?_

_6:31am_

_Hinata: Yeah! FOR SURe! \\(^ヮ^)/ Bye bye KEnma! IF I FOrget to MEssage yOU Later Today ITs CUz I'm STill SICk JUst message ME IN the mORNing! MkaY???_

Hinata glanced up from his phone when Natsu came running into the room with her bag. “I couldn’t find it for a second! But I got it! Lets go!” Natsu grabbed Hinata’s hand and dragged him towards the door. 

The two of them paused, slipping their shoes on, and then Natsu was back to dragging Hinata down the street. “I thought I was supposed to be walking you, Natsu! Not the other way arou-” Hinata froze for a second. He gulped. His heart seemed to plummet. He wasn’t binding and it was obvious. 

Natsu paused and looked up to Hinata, “Yeah but you’re always slow! So I figured- Shoyo?” Natsu asked worriedly. Her big brother hardly ever looked like that. She’d really never seen him worried. 

Hinata blinked. His throat felt dry. He untied his team jacket from around his waist and rushed to put it on. He zipped it up and grabbed Natsu’s hand. Walking as if nothing had happened, “ahh, don’t worry about it, Natsu! It’s just a bit chilly today! The wind was all _whoooshh_ and I was all _brrrr_!” Hinata made some wild motions with his free hand as they passed a street lamp. 

Natsu blinked, “It’s not cold!” she said stubbornly. 

Hinata smiled at her, “So, do you know what you’re doing in class today?” He attempted to change the subject. 

Natsu rambled on about PE. About how she was the best in that class and everything else was boring. A strong breeze passed over the two and Natsu shivered. Hinata couldn’t help but smile at her. “I thought you said it wasn’t cold?” He teased as they neared her school.

Natsu huffed, “It wasn’t cold earlier!” She whined tugging on Hinata’s hand, “lets go! I wanna get inside!” 

  
  
  
  


Hinata dropped Natsu off successfully but he still felt uncomfortable being in public without even a sports bra. He felt like everyone was staring at him. They obviously couldn’t care about Hinata. Parents worrying about their kids and small children rushing by, everyone was too busy to bother questioning Hinata. 

Every step he took felt like another person was looking in his direction. Hinata’s eyes remained glued to the ground the entire way back to his house. He didn’t pass Kageyama on his way back home, thankfully. He didn’t know what he would’ve done if he ran into Kageyama….maybe pretend to be his own long lost twin sister? The thought was quickly shot down, Hinata’s reasoning being that Kageyama was too smart for that. 

Hinata flopped into his unmade bed and curled up with a heating pack, one he’d just plugged in, and grabbed his phone. He unlocked it and went to respond to the rest of his messages.

_Kageyama *favorited ( 3 unread messages)_

_Yachi ( 24 unread messages )_

_Sugawara ( 1 unread message )_

  
  
  


Hinata responded to them in order. Kageyama’s messages were first. 

_6:45am_

_Kageyama: Are we racing to school today?_

_6:50am_

_Kageyama: DUmbass_

_6:55am_

_Kageyama: you were taking too long I went to school without you_

_7:11am_

_Hinata: GOSh! Sorry, BAkEyama ! I had to walk Natsu To scHOOL!_

  
  


Hinata tapped on Yachi’s messages next. Most of them were a mixture of panic and worry since he didn’t answer her for an hour. 

_5:04am_

_Yachi: Morning, Hinata! Are you coming to school today or are you sick still? If you’re feeling sick you should definitely stay home!_

_5:09: Hinata? Are you still sleeping? You should probably be sleeping if you’re sick! soRRY! (ᗒᗣᗕ)_

There was a long spam of messages that consisted of “sorry!!” or “Are you oKay?!” 

_6:54am_

_Yachi: Daichi and Suga said you’re probably sick and not to worry! But that means I’ve been bothering you while you’re sick!! I’m SORRy, HInata! ｡･ﾟﾟ*( >д<)*ﾟﾟ･｡ Get some rest! Noya insists that he’s going to come with Suga and I when we bring you soup! And Asahi is really worried! He almost started crying because he was worried you’d gotten the bug that just went around in Toyko! That would’ve been super scary ＼(º □ º l|l)/ Anyways! I have to go! Make sure you rest! Sleep and Eat a proper lunch! Bye, Hinata! _

_7:00am_

_Yachi: (つ≧▽≦)つ_

_7:00am_

_Yachi: The hug is from Asahi! He was getting super worried so I said I’d send you a hug from him! Tsukishima said it was stupid! Yamaguchi said he wanted to send one too though!_

Hinata couldn’t help but smile at the long string of messages. He shifted the heating pad and grabbed Harold, using the stuffed animal as a pillow. 

_7:16am_

_Hinata: Hi! SORRY Yachi! (シ. .)シ I Was waLKING Natsu TO school! I’m Staying HOme cuz Kenma said If I got too sick I might have to visit a HOSPITAL and those are SCArYYY ( : ౦ ‸ ౦ : ) ANyways I’ll Have a proper lunch and all tHAT! DON’T worry!_

  
  


Hinata opened the last message from Suga. He felt a weird bubbly feeling within him. Something like when he hits one of Kageyama’s sets! He liked knowing his team cared about him.

_6:50am_

_Sugawara: Hey, Hinata! Just wanted to make sure you’re okay! If you’re staying home, eat a proper lunch today! So no pork buns! Anyways, I’ll see you later today! (´｡• ω •｡`) ♡ Stay safe!_

_7:18am_

_Hinata: Uh huh! I’ll eat a good lunch like YOu and Yachi Said TO! Oh yeAH! I’m stayinG Home today! Be sure to MessAGe me once practice lets out! And I’ll Unlock my door! OKay, Bye bYE SUga! ( ´ ▽ ` ).｡ｏ♡_

  
  


Hinata then tossed his phone to the side. He decided since he wasn’t technically sick that he would spend the day watching his favorite show! He got half an episode into the show before he found himself wondering if he could make it to Natsu’s school and back before volleyball practice let out. 

Hinata wasn’t really paying attention to his show at this point. If he was being honest, he really wanted to see Suga, Yachi, and Noya. It felt different than a normal practice after school. More personal? He was generally a very personal person at practice, never giving up the chance to tell a story about Natsu or something funny in middle school but still. Something about this, it was different. 

Hinata sat up a couple moments later, Harold tumbling off the bed. He had decided to review the notes that Tsukishima sent him. Figuring he could use the extra studying. He decided he would also rewrite the notes, a tip he remembered from a previous teacher to help remember things, as he studied. He sat at his desk and began to copy the notes. Not word for word because he thought Tsukishima was too wordy. 

Hinata sat up from the two pieces of paper. He’d managed to get one and a half pages of notes by noon. He kept getting distracted by various things. Firstly, it was the foam basketball on his desk and the matching hoop on his closet door. He’d occupied himself for a solid hour before returning to his notes. To be honest, Hinata didn’t really remember what led him to draw a _perfectly_ round volleyball, too stubborn to use the compass he spent another hour trying to get the circle perfect. The rest of the time he spent actually taking notes. 

Hinata got up from his desk and stretched again. His chest had been aching all day. He grabbed the bruise cream and headed to the bathroom. Natsu and him shared a bathroom. The shower curtain was filled with cartoon animals and their toothbrush holder was just as playful. He let out a sigh as he moved his hands to the hem of his shirt. He paused, a moment of hesitation, before lifting his shirt and spreading the cream around. It was colder than he remembered it being last night. The bruises didn’t look any better, dark purples and blues were scattered across his chest, along with the welcomed sight of faint green healing bruises. He sighed, dropping his shirt, at least they felt better. 

Hinata then headed to the kitchen, keeping his promise to eat a “proper lunch.” He made a ham and cheese sandwich, and grabbed a bag of chips off the shelf in the pantry. He looked at the messy plate. Something about it screamed elementary school. He could hear Suga complaining that it wasn’t a full meal. Hinata turned back to the counter where a bowl of fruit sat. He grabbed an orange. There! That seemed like a decent lunch. Better than just pork buns at least! 

Hinata ate the lunch slowly, he didn’t feel like rushing. He took a while to actually finish his meal but he felt full once he had. He tossed the orange peels in the trash and scrubbed the plastic plate until it was clean. 

~~~~~

Hinata discovered that he could, infact, get to Natsu’s school and back before practice let out! He was just setting Natsu’s school bag, which she forced him to carry, on the kitchen table when Suga messaged him. 

_3:30pm_

_Sugawara: Practice just ended! Yachi already has your work as well as the soup! Noya is practically dragging us out the door! We’ll be there soon!_ _  
_ _  
_ Hinata’s heart thumped. He begged anything he could that Natsu would stay in her room blaring her music and not leave and accidentally misgender him. He gulped down some water, he’d left the door unlocked messaging Suga and Yachi that they could just come in. 

Hinata told Natsu he had friends coming over to bring him his schoolwork on their way back from her school. He’d also said he had a headache to which the small girl nodded and said that she would try to stay in her room.

Hinata rubbed his face as he flopped onto his bed once again, after pacing around for a while. He looked at his hands, imagining a red tint to his palms like they looked when he hit a spike. He let that confidence fill him. He let that feeling that he felt after hitting one of Kageyama’s sets fill him. He could do this. He inhaled deeply. He could do this. He would do this. 

He heard the door open. Yachi and Suga’s voices echoed softly through the house.

“Suga, Are you sure he’s fine?” It was Yachi, clearly worried. 

There was a soft chuckle, “Don’t worry! He spent the day resting and had a proper lunch, the perfect recipe for getting better after being sick,” 

There was a moment of silence before Hinata heard the thundering footsteps of Noya running through the halls, “SHOYO!” 

Outside Hinata’s room a door slammed open revealing Natsu to the three of Hinata’s classmates, “Shhhhh! Nii-chan has a headache!” Natsu scolded them just as loudly. He heard her door slam then her music started again. 

His door was propped open. He saw Noya peek into the room then beam a smile at him, “Shoyo!” This time it was quieter. “How are you feeling! Are you okay?” Noya rushed forward and leaned over him. 

Hinata chuckled and shrugged his shoulders, the fabric of his team jacket bunching up over his chest. “I’m feeling better, yeah.” He grinned up at Noya. 

Yachi set the soup down on his desk, “It’s for later, Hinata, not now!” She said after she saw his eyes following it. 

Hinata grinned and nodded, “okay okay! Fine!” 

Suga sat down on the edge of his bed, holding their hand to his forehead, “still no fever? That’s good. I’m glad you’re feeling better,” Suga gave a smile, it was a smile Hinata had seen his mother give him when he was younger. 

Hinata blushed, “yeah, I think I was just tired. How was practice? Did I miss anything?” 

Noya perked up, “Ryuu got clobbered in the face! Yamaguchi was practicing his float serve and Ryuu was in the way and Bam!” He smiled eagerly at the story. 

Hinata laughed and pulled the blanket higher over his chest, worrying slightly about all the attention on him. “I know the feeling! My face hurt for a couple hours! I hope Tanaka feels better soon!” 

Yachi blinked as if she were forgetting something before digging into her school bag, “here you go! It’s all the work you missed! I can stay and help you with it if you’d like?” Yachi tilted her head, her hair falling from its previous spot. 

  
  


Hinata nodded his head quickly, “please! Please help! I’m hopeless without help!” Hinata accepted Yachi’s help quickly. 

Noya pouted, “I wanna stay! I promised Nee-san I would go by and have a study session with Ryuu weeks ago though!” Noya crossed his arms. 

Hinata waved his hands wildy, “No, no, no! You don't have to stay if you don’t have the time! I understand, Noya! I’ll see you tomorrow at practice! Yeah?” 

Noya pondered Hinata’s words, “yeah! That works! Bye Shoyo! Bye Yachi! Bye bye Suga!” Noya said his farewells and ran back out of the house. 

Suga sighed with a small smile, “I have the rest of the night free, I can stay if you’d like? I’m not too sure what I’d do though. Is your mother coming home soon?” Suga asked. 

Hinata shook his head, “I don’t mind if you stay! And my mom isn’t coming back until late…” 

Suga gave a bright smile and clapped their hands together, “great! I’ll make dinner then!” Suga spun around and began walking towards the kitchen 

“I- wha- Suga! You don’t have to do that! I’ll make dinner!” Hinata managed to say while shooting forwards out of his covers. 

Suga glanced back with a smile, “Nonsense! You two stay here and study and I’ll make some dinner! It won't be anything too fancy, I’m afraid. I’m not the best at cooking,” Suga said and was out the door before Hinata could say anything else.

Yachi plopped down on the bed across from Hinata, near his feet, “why don't we get started? We can start with English! You’re awful at that!” 

Hinata whined but agreed with Yachi. 

Hinata and Yachi were pretty good at staying on track. Yachi was anyways. She always guided Hinata back to his homework whenever he derailed and started to talk about something else. Soon enough the two of them had finished all of Hinata’s missing work for the day. 

Suga soon followed suit, “Yachi, Hinata! I’ve finished dinner! Are you two done with Hinata’s work?” 

Yachi nodded and climbed off the bed, “Yeah, actually we just finished!” Yachi stretched her tired limbs. 

Hinata was about to climb off the bed when Yachi ducked down towards the floor, picking up Harold. “Oh Hinata! This is so cute! Is it yours?” 

Hinata quickly shook his head and looked towards his papers scattered across the bed. He pouted and gathered them all up, “Nope! That’s Natsu’s, she was sleeping in here last ni-” 

Yachi cut Hinata off accidentally by muttering a small, “what’s this?” Hinata spun around to answer only to see her holding the bandages he’d been using to bind. 

Hinata gaped like a fish, it felt like someone had shoved cotton down his throat. Suga who was standing by the door had a panic-stricken face. Almost as if they recognized the bandages. Hinata’s breathing got quicker and quicker, “I-It’s from middle school! I-I Uhm...I hurt my ankle! And I guess I never threw the bandages away!” He gave a pathetically nervous chuckle. He tried to tug his jacket forward off his chest but it still felt too tight. 

Hinata risked a glance at Suga. Suga was staring at him. Right into his eyes. Hinata knew right then, that Suga knew about him. It was the look in their eyes. Hinata couldn’t describe it if he tried but something about it just screamed that they knew about him. There was a quick flash of something across Suga’s face. Worry? Maybe disappointment? Hinata didn’t know what it was but he didn’t like it. 

“Oh, You hurt your ankle? That must’ve been awful!” Yachi commented, clueless towards the growing tension.

Hinata shot out of his bed, passed Yachi who yelped and backed away, passed Suga who tried to call out to him and rushed into the bathroom. 

He heard the lock click into place and slid down the door and fell to the floor. He hoped Suga and Yachi would just leave. He wouldn’t show up to practice tomorrow. That seemed like the best way to avoid any trouble. If he quit volleyball they couldn’t force him to play on the girls team. Hinata was all too aware of Suga who was murmuring in the other room. 

A choked sob escaped Hinata as he wiped hopelessly at his eyes. _Kenma_ , he thought. He would call Kenma. Kenma would help. He reached for his phone but found his pockets empty. _No. No, Please no!_

Hinata couldn’t see through his tears. They kept falling and falling. Hinata couldn’t breathe. He tried the method Kenma taught him. _Floor, sink, shower, rug, towel_ . Another sob escaped him. He felt himself take a deep breath but no air filled his lungs. He coughed, _The cold floor, the air from the vent, his tears falling, his nails across his skin_ . Hinata heard the door shut. He could only hope that Suga and Yachi had left. _His sobs, footsteps too heavy to be Natsu’s, his horrible attempts at breathing._ He tried to scramble away from the door, away from whoever was coming but slipped and fell. His head cushioned by the rug, his chest thumped helplessly against the cold tile floor. He felt the sharp pain spread throughout his body. He gasped for a breath. 

The doorknob rattled. 

A sigh.

Hinata froze. Tears fell to the floor as he tried to push himself up. 

“Hinata…” Sugawara...His lip quivered, another sob left him. His eyes burned, his face burned from the crying and lack of breathing. How did things go so wrong? 

“Hinata...Please let me in,” Their voice was soft, comforting. Hinata shook his head pathetically. He couldn’t face Suga, not now. Not after his secret had been ripped from his protective clutches. His arms stung. Salty tears mixed with freshly scraped wounds. Hinata was yanked into a coughing fit as he tried and failed to catch his breath. He could feel himself start to get lightheaded. 

“Hinata!” The doorknob rattled again, “Hinata, _Please!_ ” Suga sounded worried, panicked almost. “Shoyo…” Suga tried. “Shoyo, I’m not mad…” Soft, comforting. Hinata listened to Suga’s voice. “I just want to make sure you’re okay. Can you let me in? Please? I promise you I’m not angry.” 

Hinata stood on his wobbly feet and unlocked the door. Suga gently pried the door open and gasped. Hinata collapsed into Suga’s arms, “I’m sorry! I-I’m sorry, Suga! D-Don’t hate me! Don’t-” Hinata started to cough again. 

Suga held Hinata close to them. “Hinata, I don’t hate you. You haven’t done anything wrong for me to hate you,” Suga paused for a moment. “It’s okay, Hinata. I promise.” 

Hinata’s sobs and coughs died down to sniffles. “B-But I lied! And…..and I’m a-” 

Suga cut him off, “You’re a middle blocker, and a decoy who is essential to our team...don’t think less of yourself, Hinata. You’re our friend, we would never send you off the team, where did you get that idea from?” Suga asked softly, as they pushed Hinata away from the hug and gently wiped some tears. 

Hinata sniffled, snot running down his face, “I-I don’t know…” He looked anywhere but at Suga.

Suga hummed softly, “Why don’t we get you into bed? You can calm down and then we can have a chat? Is that okay?” Hinata nodded. 

Suga led Hinata to his bed. Taking a couple moments to calm Hinata further. Suga did their best to make Hinata comfortable. Suga paused before pulling the covers, “May I check for your bruises? I need to make sure none of them need medical attention.” Hinata frowned, looking hesitant, “I would never judge you, I won't even look there, I just want to see the bruises, Okay?” 

Hinata quickly nodded. His hands lingering at the hem of his shirt. He took a painful deep breath and lifted his shirt, his jacket bunching up. Squeezing his eyes shut. Hinata had never felt so vulnerable before. He didn’t like it. He could practically feel himself sink into his bed. A couple silent moments passed and Suga spoke again, “okay, Hinata. I’m finished.” 

Hinata hastily dropped his shirt down and opened his eyes. “Suga?” Hinata asked, his voice strained from crying and coughing. Suga had a hardened look in their eyes, one Hinata had never seen before.

Suga sighed, the look vanishing to a soft and gentle one, “Hinata, I can’t let you wear those bandages anymore.” Their voice was stern. 

“But-” Hinata went to protest. 

“No.” Suga’s voice was firm. “You are not wearing those anymore. I’m going to toss them when I leave tonight.” Suga sighed, “but I won't leave you miserable, I have an old binder from before I got top surgery.I can bring it by tomorrow morning at practice…” Suga offered. 

“Y-You would do that?” Hinata whimpered. He had never had a conversation like this. He truly didn’t know how to react. 

Suga nodded softly, “of course I would. I'm taller than you though, so it might not fit, if it doesn’t fit we can ask Nishinoya for one of his spares. He always brings an extra in his gym bag,” 

Hinata paused, “Noya? Wha?” Hinata’s eyes widened in confusion, his head tilted cluelessly.

Suga hummed, “Yeah, Noya is trans as well. Did you not know that? It’s not exactly a secret but it never comes up in conversations so….” 

Hinata shook his head softly, a yawn escaping him, “n-no, I didn’t know…” 

Suga ruffled Hinata’s hair softly. Hinata visibly relaxed at the affection. “From now on, no more binding during practice or while you sleep. Those are two absolute rules that I will be enforcing. 8 hours max. You can wear a sports bra during practice and matches..okay?” Suga’s words were still soft but there was no room for Hinata to argue with them. 

Hinata frowned slightly but deep down he knew that Suga only wanted what was best for him, “Okay…” There was a comfortable silence. Suga ran their hand through Hinata’s hair exactly how Yachi had been doing the previous day. “D-do we have to tell the rest of the team?” 

Suga laughed softly, “No, we don’t have to tell them if you’re not ready to but I can guarantee you they won't mind. You can make it easier on yourself by telling one person at a time. Nishinoya? Maybe?”  
  


Hinata didn’t respond immediately, just nodded his head. “I’ll think about it...I want to tell Kenma before anyone else...Kenma was supposed to be the first to know..” 

Suga’s eyes twinkled, “At the practice match? We’re staying there for the weekend. You plan on hanging out with Kenma?” 

Hinata nodded, “Yeah! I can’t wait actually! I mean obviously we’re gonna win those matches but I really wanna see Kenma in person too! It’s been too long!” 

Suga smiled, “How about you get some rest now? I’ll put the leftovers of the dinner I made in the fridge and you can have some when you wake up in the morning. Alright?” Suga ruffled Hinata’s hair one last time before standing. “Message me or Daichi if you need anything. You don’t need to worry about bothering us, we won't mind,” and with that Suga headed towards the door. 

Hinata nodded, “good night, Suga!” 

Suga turned to face Hinata, smiling softly, “Goodnight, Shoyo.” Then they were gone, out the door, along with the bandages.

Hinata couldn't help but smile to himself after Suga had left. His eyes drooped, the panic attack had taken a toll on his body. Despite the panic attack, Hinata was convinced this was the best night he’d had in a _long_ time. His stomach flopped, it felt nice to tell someone. A small giggle escaped him. He couldn’t wait to tell Kenma. 


	4. Hinata gets a binder

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> PSsst for plot purposes theres a locker room in the gym *wink wonk* 
> 
> Theres a bit more sugamama in this chapter cuz Im a sucker for sugamama 
> 
> possible tw:: this chapter mentions tampons and periods but not too detailed

Hinata arrived at practice super early wanting to avoid everyone. The sports bra didn't provide the comfort his bandages used to. He felt like he wasn’t in his own body. His mother was able to take Natsu to school today which was a relief for him. 

He paced back and forth in front of the gym, hoping and praying that Suga would be the first person to arrive. 

“Hinata?” Daichi, whoever Hinata had been praying to clearly wasn’t listening. 

Hinata froze and spun to face Daichi, “Uhm, Yes!” 

Daichi blinked, holding the key up, “I need to unlock the gym. Are you feeling better? We were worried yesterday, you never get sick. Unless you count before matches.” Daichi chuckled to himself. 

Hinata waved his hands, “I can’t help it! I get nervous! Oh! Yeah, I’m feeling better!” 

“I know, I know. Nerves are a hard thing to get control of but I know you can do it,” Daichi pat Hinata heavily on the shoulder. 

Hinata tensed slightly before moving out of the way for Daichi to unlock the door.   
  


_Click_. 

Hinata took a deep breath and let his shoulders relax. Daichi glanced back at him, “I’m glad you’re feeling better. Would you like to take today off too? I’m not assuming anything of course, you just don’t look 100% just yet…” Daichi slowly pushed the door open and paused, thinking for a moment, “you don’t have to tell me anything...if you want to just sit down on the bench, no one will question it.” Daichi gave him a smile before pushing the door open fully   
  
Hinata thought about Daichi’s words. He didn’t know how he felt about practicing without binding. Would he be able to feel them moving when he bounced? He shook his head quickly not wanting to think about that. 

He pried the door to the locker room open. He plopped onto the bench and pulled his knees to his chest. His entire body ached with anticipation. He really needed to talk to Suga. 

How did Suga play volleyball before they got surgery? It _baffled_ Hinata. He truly didn’t understand how someone could just not bind. It made him feel like his body was wrong. It wasn’t like it was a new feeling for Hinata but he hated it. He hated knowing he wasn’t flat. 

“Daichi! Good morning!” Hinata perked up at the sudden shout. Suga had arrived. 

He wondered if he needed to get up and tell Suga he was here. He waited a minute or two, waiting to see if Suga would walk through the doors but it remained silent aside from the soft patter of shoes on the gym floor. More of his teammates had to have arrived by now. He knew they had, he could hear them talking, it wasn’t just Suga and Daichi anymore. He froze. Wishing he could just be at home. 

The door squeaked. Hinata’s blood ran cold. He looked up, Asahi. He gulped. “Wha- Oh Hi Hinata...are you feeling better?” 

He gulped again, his throat suddenly dry. He squeezed his knees tighter. _Don’t notice. Please don’t notice_. “Uhm, yeah! I’m totally feeling better! Just had to get some sleep!” Hinata smiled at Asahi who was looking nervous. 

Asahi looked relieved, his shoulders relaxed. He gave Hinata a small smile. “That’s good. Be sure to rest today though. Can’t have you relapsing.” Asahi gently pat Hinata’s shoulder, “Yeah, I’m just gonna go…” He pointed towards one of the bathroom stalls, “yeah.” He scurried off into a stall. 

Hinata sighed. Trying to will himself to relax. His body refused to release the tension it held. He was all too aware of Asahi’s presence in the stall. There was an awkward moment of silence. 

“Hey...uhm...Hinata? Are you still in here?” Asahi’s nervous voice called out before he muttered quietly to where HInata couldn't hear. 

Hinata blinked, “Yeah! Is something wrong?” he asked, feeling a little worried for his upperclassman. 

“Well, not exactly. Do you see Noya’s bag anywhere?” 

Hinata was confused but looked around for the bag. He eventually found it shoved under a bench. “Yeah, It’s right here! Do you need something from it?” 

“There should be a green pouch inside...Could you grab a tampon from it?” Asahi coughed, “one of the bigger ones, _please_ ” 

Hinata blinked. Unzipping the bag and finding a green pouch. He grabbed a tampon from it, one of the bigger ones as he was asked, and handed it to his upperclassman under the stall. He hadn’t realized that Asahi was trans too. Noya and Asahi? They both passed so well. Hinata was almost jealous, he wanted to pass that well. 

Asahi sighed when he left the stall, hurrying to wash his hands. Hinata gazed at Asahi, should he say something? “I didn’t know you were trans…” He said before he could stop himself, “UhM, uhh...Not that it's bad! OR anything! Because it's not! I just- You pass really well! That’s it!” Hinata panicked. Did he say something wrong? He probably did. 

Asahi blinked before smiling, “Thank you! I always get nervous that I don’t pass that well. My long hair probably adds to that but I can’t seem to cut it. It’s part of who I am, it doesn't seem right to get rid of it.” Asahi didn’t seem to notice he was still talking.

“I think it suits you!” Hinata chirped with a grin. 

Asahi coughed lightly and looked away, “thats really nice of you to say,” he rubbed the back of his neck.

Hinata thought about what to say. He didn’t know how to address this situation. Hinata eyed Asahi for a moment, “Have you had top surgery yet?” Hinata cringed at how it sounded, “sorr-” 

“Yeah! Actually! I got it done around the same time Suga got theirs done!” Asahi smiled for a moment before wincing. “I still get my period though which isn’t fun. I’ve been on T for a while but I’m still getting it. Less regular though…” 

Hinata frowned knowing exactly how awful cramps could feel. He shifted on his feet, “do you...uhh...want some ibuprofen?” 

Asahi nodded, “Yeah, actually, that might help.” 

Hinata rushed to his bag and quickly pulled the bottle out and grabbed a reusable hand warmer that he’d bought himself, it came in a pack of 5 and he could spare one. It was green, Hinata wanted to keep the orange one. 

Hinata passed the bottle to Asahi, he didn’t like touching other people's medicine- its gross. Asahi passed it back after swallowing the pill with some water. “And uhm. Here. Just shake it around a bit and then you can boil it when you get home for like 15 minutes and when it cools it’ll be ready to use again…” Hinata blurted out quickly, “UhhM, My mom uses them for her cramps, thought maybe it would help you? I dunno, heh” Hinata held the plastic feeling pouch out.

Asahi grabbed it and looked at it, “Thanks! This would actually be really handy! Where did you get them?” 

“Oh, Just a grocery store, I’m sure you could find them online too!” Hinata mentioned the online bit after seeing the uneasiness in Asahi’s eyes. 

Asahi nodded, “I’ll look into it. Try and find them online first. And then if I can’t find them I’ll ask Noya to- OH! Noya! I gotta go, Hinata! Bye!” Asahi looked somewhat panicked before heading towards the door while muttering something about not picking Noya up. 

Hinata smiled a bit. Asahi and Noya? He let his body relax. That’s at least some of his team who he knew would be accepting of him. He liked this feeling, not worrying about his friends hating him. 

Suga walked through the door, “Hinata! There you are! Come here!” Suga let the door slowly shut before pulling the binder out of their bag. “Come, come. Let me see your bruises first,” Hinata felt overwhelmed by everything that was happening. 

Hinata glanced towards the door nervously but pulled his shirt up slightly with shaky hands. Suga observed the bruises with a look Hinata didn’t recognize on their face. They held their hand up, meeting Hinata’s eyes for permission to which he nodded. Suga’s fingers were light and deft. The feeling of their fingers didn’t make Hinata recoil like he was expecting. 

Suga stood and Hinata instantly dropped his shirt. Looking down at Hinata they sighed, “Okay, they’re healing nicely but I don’t exactly want you wearing a binder while they’re healing.” Hinata winced but stayed silent, “I’ll let you try the binder on but I don’t want you to participate in practice today...or to wear the binder today? Is that okay with you?” 

Hinata crossed his arms, covering his chest. Was that okay? Could he make it an entire day of school without binding? He remembered not binding in middle school and all the looks he got, everyone called him a girl...what kind of boy has a chest like his? Cotton...more cotton was forced down his throat. He couldn’t talk. 

Suga gave him a sympathetic look and ruffled his hair, “it’s okay, Hinata….You’re a lot smaller than I was. Daichi had to help me with a lot of panic attacks before practice..” Suga’s words were comforting. Somehow they always knew what to say. “Will you be alright today without binding? You can always message Daichi, he’ll pull you out of class for club activities for a while and you can take a breather? Yeah?” 

Hinata nodded, “O-Okay. I can do that.” Hinata took a deep breath. 

Suga smiled at him and put the binder in his outstretched hands. Hinata loved that smile. It made him feel like his problems would just vanish. “Good, good. Do you know how to put this on? Or do you need help?” 

Hinata shuffled awkwardly, “I think I might need help..” 

Suga nodded, “here let's go to the corner shower, It’s bigger and won't be as cramped.” 

Hinata shuffled in, Suga explained the steps thoroughly before they began to put it on. The process was a little painful because of the bruises but Hinata didn’t mind. He took a deep breath. This was a new form of pressure he’d never felt before. Suga told him to take a couple more deep breaths. Suga’s swift fingers tugged at the binder gently after noticing it’d rolled up. 

Hinata glanced down. A smile on his lips. A burst of euphoria shot through him. This was far better than those bandages were. 

“It looks like it fits,” Suga’s calming voice broke Hinata’s trance. “Let's get you out of it now, I don’t want you to wear it for too long while you have those bruises,” worry leaked into Suga’s tone. 

Hinata nodded and let Suga help him escape the binder. Once he had both the sports bra and his shirt back on he took another couple deep breaths trying to get his panic to subside. Suga put the binder back in his hands,“I’m glad it fits.” they said genuinely. 

Hinata looked at the black fabric in his hands. He smiled widely and launched at Suga. “Thank you! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you so so much!”

Suga returned the affection, wrapping their arms around the boy. They laughed, “you’re welcome, Hinata. I would never just let you suffer like that but I do want you to be safe. You’re my teammate and close friend. I can't have you off not taking care of yourself either.” Suga held Hinata close for a moment. 

Hinata sniffled as he pulled out of the hug. He was about to thank Suga again when he heard the door creak open. Panic flooded through him and he hid the binder behind his back

Kageyama stood there with a confused expression, “Daichi is looking for you Suga...was he crying?” He pointed to Hinata. 

Suga ruffled Hinata’s hair, “He’s just a bit emotional from being sick.” Hinata nodded mutely, letting Suga control the situation. 

Kageyama gave Hinata a weird look before heading out. Suga smiled down at Hinata before going to follow him out, “put your binder up and go get cozy on the benches,” Suga winked at Hinata’s frustrated expression, he really wanted to practice again. He missed the feeling of the ball hitting his hand. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know this one is shorter but the last one was pretty long so it just about adds up
> 
> also asahi and HInata are adorable kaj;sd
> 
> :3 Updates might be further apart now that I'm gonna be starting school again soon. 
> 
> Hope y'all are doing well!


	5. Ice cream!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> First year bonding session, Yess indeed 
> 
> I FORGOT YacHI and IM SOrrY L:ksjdflakj dAHHH

Hinata himself honestly didn’t know how he’d managed to convince Tsukishima to walk with him on the way home. He’d begged and begged, saying he needed to thank Tsukishima for the notes he’d sent Hinata which helped him get an A on the retake. 

Kageyama and Yamaguichi tagged along, of course. Tsukishima had his hands shoved in his pockets and his headphones around his neck. He most likely planned on listening to music the entire time and completely ignoring Hinata but after a scolding from Yamaguchi he paused his music. Hinata kept up easily with the other first years despite having to walk his bike as well. 

There wasn’t a moment of silence since Hinata and Yamaguchi were both there. Hinata didn’t even want to think about how awkward it would’ve been if Yamaguchi hadn’t insisted on coming along.

“Yamaguchi! Your float serve looks amazing! I can’t ever tell where its going to land! Not even from the bench! Sometimes it’s like _fwam_ at the end of the court and other times its like _whoosh_ barely over the net! It’s so cool!” Hinata cheered with wild hand gestures after Yamaguchi had mentioned Asahi’s jump serve that was still a work in progress. Tsukishima scoffed at his words.

Yamaguchi smiled and sped up to walk beside Hinata leaving Kageyama and Tsukishima to walk next to each other. Kageyama kept his gaze firmly planted on the road ahead. “Really! I’ve been working really hard on it! Tsukki says it's barely usable but that means it's a little bit usable! So if I work on it some more it’ll be even more usable!” Yamaguchi beamed as he talked about the makeshift complement he’d pulled from the insult. 

Tsukishima rolled his eyes, “It was supposed to be an insult, Yamaguchi.” He pushed his glasses up. 

Kageyama looked between the two. “I think Yamaguchi’s serve is okay….it’s not really good or anything but…” 

Yamaguchi looked at Kageyama with sparkling eyes. “Thank you, Kageyama!” He chirped. 

  
Hinata looked at them with a wide smile. He’d been wearing his jacket almost all day. It’d been helping with Suga’s request to not wear the binder today. He rubbed his hands together, it was chilly today but he didn’t mind. At least he didn’t look out of place wearing a jacket in summer heat. 

Hinata skidded to a stop, nearly colliding with Tsukishima. “Hinata- What?” Tsukishima stepped back from Hinata who was staring wide-eyed at an ice cream shop. 

Hinata turned to Tsukishima and Yamaguchi, “Can we stop for ice cream! Please!” 

Tsukishima glanced at the place once “no,” he started to walk again. 

Yamaguchi frowned, “Come on, Tsukki! You love ice cream! Let's stop for a minute or two!” 

“Fine.” A sigh came from the tallest of the group, he grudgingly walked into the shop which Kageyama had already walked into. Hinata quickly locked his bike up and followed after him. 

Tsukishima seemed repulsed as Hinata skipped into the shop. He was pressing his hands on the glass between him and the ice cream. Kageyama had already ordered what seemed to be a blueberry scoop.

Tsukishima, in a hurry to leave, just ordered a plain scoop of vanilla ice cream. Yamaguchi followed suit, ordering the same thing. 

Hinata spent 5 minutes muttering to himself, not being able to pick. “Oh! I know! I’ll ask Kenma!” 

“Hurry up!” Tsukishima snapped. Hinata glanced back and saw that Yamaguchi had nearly finished his while Kageyama was taking his time and Tsukishima hadn’t even touched his ice cream yet. 

_3:30pm_

_Hinata: KENMa! WHat flavor of ice CREAM SHOulD I GET! THIS IS SOsoso IMPORtant!_

Hinata hit send and stared, eagerly, waiting for his response. 

Kageyama was still taking his sweet time while Yamaguchi had finished and thrown his cone away. “Tsukishima? Aren’t you going to eat yours?” Hinata questioned him when he noticed that Tsukishima still hadn’t touched his and it was beginning to melt. 

Tsukishima scoffed, “I don’t feel like eating it right now.” He glanced at the melting desert. “I _did_ say I didn’t want ice cream right now.” 

_Ding!_

Hinata’s eyes shot back to his phone. 

_3:31pm_

_Kenma: Rocky Road. I’ve never had ice cream but Kuroo likes that flavor supposedly._

_3:31pm_

_Hinata; ThanK YOU SOSOSO MCUH! ICE Cream is the BEStttt!!! WE have to GO GET some the NExt tiME WE SEE eachOTHER OKaY??_

Hinata ran to the cashier and ordered two scoops of rocky road ice cream. He looked at it with a smile before biting into it. He smiled widely and looked at his fellow first years. “Okay! We can continue heading home now!” 

Tsukishima looked absolutely disgusted, Yamaguchi was confused and Kageyama blinked once, then twice. “Dumbass! Did you just bite your ice cream!” Kageyama said, louder than he originally had planned causing some customers to glare. 

Hinata smiled sheepishly. “It’s the fastest way to eat it!” He said as he headed outside. He took another chomp which made Tsukishima physically cringe. Speaking of Tsukishima, he had finally begun to eat his ice cream now that they’d left the shop. 

_3:35pm_

_Kenma: That sounds nice.You retook your test right? Did you...pass?_

Hinata somehow managed to keep his ice cream in his hand while steering his bike. He grabbed his phone with his free hand and sent a reply to his friend. 

_3:36pm_

_Hinata: Yeah!I PASSEd thanks to the notes Tsukishima seNT Me! I got an A so I’ll be at the practice match! I LIterallY CanNOT wait to SEe YOu!! I alsO Cant wAiT TO TEll yOU THE thINGY from the oTHer Day!_

_3:36pm_

_Kenma: That's good. I’m glad you passed. I also have something to tell you then._

Hinata smiled and quickly told Kenma he’d text him later. He didn’t want to drop his ice cream. He quickly finished his ice cream. He enjoyed walking with the other first years. Sure, they always seemed to be bickering but it was nice. He liked it. 

“Oh! Tsukishima!” Hinata gasped nearly forgetting why he had begged Tsukishima to walk with him today, “I wanted to thank you for the notes! I got an A because of them!” Hinata grinned.

Tsukishima looked back at him, opening his mouth, probably to scoff, but said nothing and turned back ahead. 

Yamaguchi smiled! “You passed! That’s so good! You can go to the practice match! Kageyama you passed too didn’t you?” Yamaguchi looked towards Kageyama who had dropped his ice cream after tripping over an invisible pebble. 

“Of course I did!” Kageyama crossed his arms looking smug 

Tsukishima glanced towards Kageyama, “Don’t know why you’re looking so smug, Your Majesty.” Tsukishima smirked, “I do recall you groveling at my feet for some extra help on your English the other day,” 

Kageyama looked embarrassed and turned away from the group of them. 

Hinata’s face lit up, if he could wave his hands around he would, “Oh my gosh! I don’t feel as stupid anymore! I made the same grade as you with Tsukishima’s notes! Phew!” Hinata felt lighter. It was really taking a toll on him that he’d failed that test. 

Yamaguchi smiled and tilted his head at his friends, “I think it was really sweet of Tsukki to help you guys with your tests! Oh! Maybe we should have more study sessions like before! Those were fun!”

“NO!” The three others all blurted out with wide panicked eyes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys! This chapter took a bit longer to get out and its really short, sorry 'bout that! I started school and it took out a bunch of time from my days. I do plan on continuing this story and I will for sure be trying to get updates out weekly but If I find myself being too drained I might bump it up to being updates bi-weekly(every 2 weeks not twice a week a;lksdj;f l) :3 I hope y'all are doing well with anything you've got going on right now 
> 
> I know this chapter doesn't seem too significant but a small bonding session between the first years(minus yachi cuz im a dumbass ) was in order 
> 
> Now, a very important question....whats yalls favorite ice cream flavor? ;aljds;  
> Mines vanilla cuz im lame BUT iF YOU LIKE vanilla YOU"RE NOT LamE LS:KDJF:


	6. One of Those Days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: Panic attacks, vomiting, self harm, dysphoria if you squint (please don't read if this will trigger you, take care of your mental health, sweeties) 
> 
> heyooo, time for a new chapter!! No Yachi in this chapter either ;alksdj but she's coming soon! I promise! Kenma is coming soon too! hehehe. I'm actually lowkey nervous to write the chapters with kenma and the nekoma team cuz I don't know their personalities that well and i don't want it to seem ooc ahhHHH

Today was one of _those_ days. Hinata’s mind was filled with nothing but negative thoughts, anxiety and apprehensiveness. Nothing he did seemed to help. He tried all of the methods Kenma had given him to calm down but none of them worked. The heaviness in his stomach stayed and tortured him. He wonders for a moment if someone will walk through the door but he doesn't have time. He stumbles towards the stall.  
  
Hinata’s stomach contracted so violently that he had no time to fully reach the toilet in the locker room. He grabbed onto the swaying red bathroom stall door, bracing himself. Chunks of granola bar and cheeseburger were expelled from his stomach and splattered onto the tile floor. His stomach twisted violently. Nothing came up but a clear liquid. The stomach-acid stench of vomit filled Hinata’s nostrils. He surveyed the mess with watery eyes and his stomach dry-heaved again. 

Hinata stumbled back from the mess he’d made. Grabbing blindly for a towel that was hanging on the wall. He slid down the wall and onto the bench. He wiped his mouth. Desperate to get the horrid taste out of his mouth. He squeezed his eyes shut as another wave nausea came over him. He held the towel to his mouth. He calmed himself down with a couple deep breaths. 

He held the grey towel in his hands tightly. He caught a glance of it before tears filled his eyes. Noya’s towel, he’d apologize later. He tried to breathe but every breath he took felt like ice down his burning throat. 

Hinata’s hands shook violently in his lap, the towel falling to the floor pathetically. He choked on a sob. He did not like this feeling. He’d never willingly and purposely come out to someone before. Surely that was supposed to make it less nerve wracking? A pathetic sound fell from his lips. His thoughts. He wanted them to slow down. To stop so he can breathe but they won't.

He thinks about calling Kenma. Kenma, how would he react? His best friend would be accepting, he knew that...he did but. Hinata gasped for a breath. Someone might overhear, they might tell everyone else. Stop. He wants his thoughts to stop. He hates thinking like this, thinking people are bad. They’re not. The Nekoma team isn't bad...He knows that. They’re nice, good, friendly. He tries to convince himself it’ll be okay

All the insults anyones ever said towards him came back. Insults and memories he’d forced so deep inside his mind he’d nearly forgotten them. His mind starts to get fuzzy. He’s almost thankful for it but the thoughts continue relentlessly. _What if I break down like this when I try to tell Kenma?_ No. 

He tries to ground himself. His nails dragging on his forearm. It doesn’t help. Tears fall onto his hand. It’s not helping. He presses harder. He feels a pang of pain. It’s almost enough to get a footing and calm down but his thoughts rush back, like the river he’d visited with Natsu and his mother. _What will Kenma think if I break down like this?_ Hinata knows the answer but in the haze of his panic he assumes the worst. He squeezed his eyes shut once again. 

_“Stop!”_

.

.

.

.

.

.

_“And I think I'm gonna be fine_

_I'm gonna be good now_

_I'm gonna be everything I always wished I could now”_   
  


The familiar song jolts Hinata from his thoughts. He opens his eyes to see Tsukishima staring at him. He quickly scans his face, looking for any sign of teasing or mockery. Hinata wouldn’t be able to handle that right now. Hinata feels a pressure atop his head. Tsukishima’s headphones, he realizes. He follows the cord down to Tsukishima’s phone. His background being a picture of Tsukishima and Yamaguchi posing in front of a giant dinosaur statue. 

Hinata doesn’t have it in him to be embarrassed. He knows he looks horrible. He presses his hands flat against his legs. The shaking easing up. His breathing was smoothing out. He no longer sounded like there was an invisible hand wrapped around his throat. 

_“You're gonna be fine_

_You're gonna be tip-top shape and tapping toes and fly_

_You're gonna act awesome_

_And self-assured_

_We're gonna seem contemplative, nonchalant and bored”_

Tsukishima’s hands fell from the side of his head where he had been holding the headphones in place. He grabs the towel. Cringing as he wiped Hinata’s face clean of snot, vomit and tears. Hinata sniffled. He didn’t try to resist Tsukishima. He didn’t have the energy. He felt all the adrenaline from his panic attack and throwing up leave him. He was left exhausted 

_“I’m gonna be fine_

_You’re gonna be fine._

_We’re gonna be fine._

_And how about that”_

Hinata sighed softly as the song ended and another song started to play. Hinata didn’t know what to say. What was he supposed to say? He was just biding his time until Tsukishima insulted him for something. 

Tsukishima opened his mouth but quickly shut it. He sighed. “Hinata.” Tsukishima looked almost concerned from what Hinata saw in the quick glance he gave.

Hinata’s eyes remained firmly on the ground where he could see remnants of his breakfast. He cringed. The stinging in his throat now painfully obvious again. 

“Hinata. Here, drink some of this.” Tsukishima held out a water bottle. 

Hinata nodded and sipped some of the water. He felt his stomach twist again and stopped drinking it. He didn’t want to start throwing up again. He set the bottle down on the bench. He took a couple deep breaths despite the icy pain. He looked up in confusion at Tsukishima’s sigh. 

“Do you want me to take you to Sugawara?” Tsukishima asked. They both knew Suga would be able to handle this better than Tsukishima. 

Hinata nodded. “Please.” It came out as a whimper. 

Tsukishima helped Hinata stand. Hinata glanced down at his clothing. He’d somehow managed not to get any vomit on himself. Hinata tried to walk towards the door but started to sway. His legs felt like jelly. Tsukishima quickly steadied him. Placing his phone in Hinata’s pocket, allowing him to keep the music for now. 

Hinata glanced around the gym. Most of his teammates were engaged in conversation, excluding Noya who was tying his shoes. The gym seemed to go silent. The music playing softly helped but he still found himself staring at the floor in embarrassment. His eyes stung. He wanted to cry but no tears came.

Tsukishima’s hands suddenly disappeared from his shoulders. Hinata still felt wobbly. He looked up and saw Suga, Daichi and Asahi all looking at him with concerned expressions. He felt his lower lip tremble. He felt as if he could cry again. “I’m sorry…” he whispered softly. He didn’t know why he was sorry. He just was. He glanced from Suga, to Daichi, to Asahi, then back to Suga. 

“I found him in the bathroom…” Tsukishima paused, “having a panic attack. He threw up too. I’ll go get his maj-” Tsukishima coughed, then corrected himself, “Kageyama and we’ll clean it.” Tsukishima walked away, his footsteps getting silent once he reached Kageyama who was across the room. 

“Hinata?” Suga’s voice was soft, worried, concerned. “Are you okay?” Suga gently placed their hand on Hinata’s shoulder.

Hinata tugged his jacket sleeves down. Red angry marks from his nails were starting to show up. “I’m just nervous.” He glanced up to Suga for a moment trying to communicate with Suga as to what he was nervous about. 

Daichi shifted on his feet. He whispered something to Suga to which Suga nodded. Daichi smiled and gave Suga a chaste kiss on the cheek before leading Asahi towards the gym bags that were ready to be loaded onto the bus. “Why don’t we go load the bags onto the bus, mhm?” 

Asahi’s eyes lingered on Hinata for a moment, clearly worried. “Uhh, yeah. Okay, lets go.” Asahi stumbled after Daichi. 

Hinata wobbled on his feet. All his energy drained. He was glad that the practice matches didn’t start until tomorrow because he had a sneaking suspicion that if they started today that Suga wouldn’t be letting him play. “I’m sorry…” he whispered again. 

Suga hummed, “Lets go sit on the bench? Yeah? I don’t want you to fall over in the middle of our conversation” Suga guided Hinata to the nearby benches. 

Hinata gripped the bench in his hands. Squeezing the bench as hard as he could as if it would keep him from ugly crying. “I’m sor-” he tried to apologize again but was cut off by a loud shout from Noya across the gym, something about his towel. Hinata winced. 

Suga gently pulled Hinata into a side hug. It wasn’t like the hugs Natsu or Noya gave him. It wasn’t even like the hugs he got after spiking. It was comforting. It wasn’t far from the hugs he remembered getting from his mother a long time ago. 

“What happened?” Suga prompted gently, their hand running along Hinata’s trembling arm. Their voice mixed with the soft music but it wasn’t overwhelming. 

Hinata didn’t know how to answer other than the words, “I’m nervous.” He paused, leaning against Suga. His eyes stung but no tears came. 

Suga hummed in response, letting Hinata know they were there but not saying anything. They patiently waited for Hinata to explain. 

“I’ve never technically told anyone. Everyones always found out or was told by someone else…I don’t know how to tell Kenma. I thought it was pregame nerves but it just got worse.” Hinata let his mind catch up with his words. “I kept thinking things that I knew weren’t true. I kept thinking that Kenma or someone else would be transphobic but I _know_ they aren’t.” Hinata let out a cough, trying to clear his throat. “Why would I think those things?” Hinata whispered. Scared of his own thoughts. 

Suga stayed silent for a moment, “It’s just what happens when we overthink things. I think your nerves have been building up since you decided you wanted to tell Kenma and today they just all hit you. It’s real now.” Suga paused, “You know those things aren’t true? You just have to keep telling yourself that.” 

They both fell into a silence. A comfortable silence as they watched their teammates doing various things throughout the gym. Tanaka and Noya were engaged in an intense thumb war. Kageyama was sulking in his jacket. Tsukishima was watching Yamaguchi explain something with a bored expression. Yachi, who was half asleep, and Kiyoko were both sitting near Takeda who was pointing at a clipboard. The rest of the team was either not in the gym or were doing some practice before the long bus ride. 

“I didn’t talk to Daichi for a week after I came out to him.” Suga said after a couple minutes of silence. 

“Why not?” Hinata glanced up at Suga, who was looking fondly at their boyfriend who was being tackled by Noya. 

“I was scared.” 

  
Hinata’s brows furrowed in confusion, “but-” 

“Relationships are never perfect all the time. We were dating when I told him. He’d thought I was a guy. I already binded at the time and was on T. He’d told me he was gay. I was scared he would suddenly stop loving me.” Suga hummed softly. “I avoided him every day, ignored his calls and texts, even blocked his social media accounts. I was awful to him.” 

Suga shifted their hold on Hinata. “A couple days later, the day of a big game, Asahi found me before school and explained how Daichi was feeling. I felt awful but I was still scared to confront him. I’d gone into the clubroom after talking with Asahi and found Daichi standing there with the matching set of flower crowns he’d won on our first date at an amusement park. He plopped it on my head as I stood there, frozen in confusion and said ‘Suga, I don’t know what I did but I still really want you to be my partner!’ I cried and he panicked even more that he’d done something wrong” Suga smiled softly, laughing at the memory. 

Hinata smiled too, “I’m glad things worked out! You two are really cute together!” 

Suga smiled, a faint blush covering their face. “My point is that emotions are irrational. There’s no reasoning with them. So those things you were thinking, it was just your emotions overwhelming you.” 

Hinata nodded, “what if I break down in front of Kenma?” Hinata fiddled with his hands.

Suga squeezed Hinata’s shoulder gently, “Kenma helps you with panic attacks all the time right? You were telling me about that the other day. Why would this time be any different?” 

Hinata huffed, “well, it wouldn’t be-” 

“Exactly. Kenma’s your best friend and they all know I’m agender and no one minds.” 

Hinata nodded, “Okay, yeah, you’re right. Thank you.” Hinata gulped, “Noya won't be mad that I got his towel dirty...will he?” 

Suga laughed loudly, making Hinata blush and stare at the floor, “Of course not! He won't mind. He might tease you about it once you’re not upset but he wont be mad.” 

Hinata nodded weakly. The music playing softly keeps him somewhat grounded. He knew Suga was leading him to the bus but he didn’t have it in him to ask any questions. Suga led him to the back of the bus, where he had thrown up on Tanaka. 

Asahi and Noya claimed the other two seats on either side of him. Asahi to his right, Noya to his left. Hinata stared openly at Noya. He would never have guessed that Noya was trans. Nothing about Noya seemed wrong. Hinata admired that. He wanted to feel that way about himself. 

“Shoyo?” Noya tilted his head. Hinata had been staring at him for a while now. 

“Uhm? What? I- Nothing! I’m sorry!” Hinata waved his hands around wildly, causing Asahi to turn to the both of them. Hinata coughed, “You’re just uhm...Very manly!” Hinata wanted to bite his tongue. That was such a stupid thing to say. 

A grin spread over Noya’s face, “Thank you! You’re very manly too!” Noya crossed his arms with a smug expression. 

Hinata felt goosebumps all over his arms, a deep feeling of happiness spread throughout him. “I am?” Hinata didn’t mean to let the words spill from his mouth but it was too late.

Noya nodded, “Uh huh! Asahi is manly too! None of that toxic masculinity manly shit though! We’re all perfectly manly!” Noya stuck his tongue out as if the offending word tasted bad. 

_Ding!_

Hinata looked down at the phone in his hands, he saw that Tsukishima had 10 messages from a ‘Creepy cat ଲ(ⓛ ω ⓛ)ଲ’ Hinata had no clue who Creepy cat was and didn’t want to be tempted to snoop so he pushed the phone into his pocket and pulled his own phone out, opening the message he’d just received. 

_8:30am_

_Kenma: Hey, Shoyo._

Hinata smiled to himself. He was still nervous but not to the point it was before. He messaged Kenma back quickly. This bus ride was going to take way too long. 

_8:32am_

_Hinata: GOODMORNING, Kenma! How are you? Did you sleep okay??_

_8:33am_

_Kenma: I’m doing well and I didn’t sleep last night. I got a new game._

_8:35am_

_Hinata: OMG!! A NEW game?!?! w(°ｏ°)w WAIT! Kenma you have to sleep! You’ll be too tired for ice cream if you don’t sleep! Σ(°ロ°)_

_8:38am_

_Kenma: I hardly ever sleep on game nights. I’ll be fine. I can take a nap before we leave, if that’ll appease you._

_Kenma: Wait- Sho don’t_

_Kenma: Sho, I’m serious- Don’t_

Hinata grinned quickly typing up his response. He nearly laughed aloud but since Kageyama and Yamaguchi had already fallen asleep he held in his laughter. 

_8:40am_

_Hinata: So you’ll be taking a….cat nap!_

_8:41am_

_Kenma: …...┌∩┐(◣_◢)┌∩┐_

_8:43am_

_Hinata: ▓▒░(°◡°)░▒▓ it was a little bit funny_

_8:45am_

_Kenma: Sho…_

_8:46am_

_Hinata: C= C= C= C= C=┌(;・ω・)┘_

_Hinata: ┬┴┬┴┤ʘ‿ʘ)╯_

_Hinata: (シ_ _)シ_

_Hinata: You’re sCARY KENMA!_

_8:50am_

_Kenma: Anyways, did you want to try my new game?_

_8:52am_

_Hinata: GASPヽ(°〇°)ﾉ I CAN TRY IT???_

_8:53am_

_Kenma: That’s what I just said._

_8:54am_

_Hinata; YES YES YES (つ≧▽≦)つ_

Hinata smiled. He tried to think about what game Kenma had been talking about lately but all of the games he’d thought of Kenma already had. He was fine with it being a surprise though. He couldn't wait to see Kenma, even if he’d be SUPER nervous about it. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey hey hey, guys! Hope y'all enjoyed the chapter ! :33 
> 
> The song in this chapter is "Fine!" By Mal Blum 
> 
> Math is killlingggg me lately but I love being able to write at the end of the day, its always so calming. 
> 
> As always please lemme know if I misgendered suga anywhere within this fic- 
> 
> Hope y'all are doing good with anything thats been going on in your life :D 
> 
> and nowww for a question - What are some other fandoms you're in?


	7. Kenma and Hinata!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata and Kenma finally get to spend some time together anddddd awkward coming outs !

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tw: None! This chapter is literally purely fluffy moments between Kenma and Hinata! 
> 
> This chapter is pretty short but I really wanted to get something out before I'm wrapped up with my english essay! 
> 
> Hope you enjoy!

Hinata smiled. He tried to think about what game Kenma had been talking about lately but all of the games he’d thought of Kenma already had. He was fine with it being a surprise though. He couldn't wait to see Kenma, even if he’d be nervous about it. 

Hinata huffed. They had arrived at Nekoma’s school and Hinata was admittedly very nervous. He took deep breaths and focused on keeping himself calm. He was anxious and excited. He was gonna get to see Kenma! 

He grinned and bounced on his feet. His excitement was beginning to overcome his anxiousness. 

Tanaka spotted Hinata bouncing excitedly and pat his back, “someones excited!” 

Hinata nodded quickly, his hair flopping, “so excited!! Aren’t you excited?” 

Tanaka grabbed a bag from the storage compartment. “ ‘course I am!” He gave Hinata a grin. 

They were all excited. In the past couple months Daichi’s bond with Kuroo had grown significantly. And Suga was often talking about something Yaku had told them. Hinata was pretty sure that Noya and Yaku were going to start a short person club and meet monthly purely for the fact that it would exclude Lev. Hinata would never say that around Yaku though. He’s seen those kicks and would not want to be on the receiving end of them. Hinata shuddered. 

“Heyyy! Karasuno!” Hinata perked up and spun around to see the majority of the Nekoma team walking towards them. 

A wide smile overtook his face and he was running towards Kenma before he could stop himself. “Kenma! Kenma! Kenma!” 

Kenma glanced up from his PSP, blinked, and shoved the game device in his pocket. 

Hinata skidded to a stop before Kenma and smiled. “Can I hug you?” Hinata asked with a pout. He knew Kenma was somewhat averse to physical affection unless it was Kuroo. Kuroo had a special spot in Kenma’s heart from what Hinata had noticed. 

Kenma blinked again. He took a step closer and wrapped his arms loosely around Hinata.

Hinata hugged Kenma back eagerly. Kenma had told him he liked that about Hinata. That Hinata didn’t dramatize it or get shocked whenever Kenma decided to initiate a hug or any other type of affection. Hinata felt a fuzziness inside him. 

“Hi Sho.” Kenma nuzzled softly into Hinata’s shoulder. Kenma seemed a little on the tense side. Hinata had assumed it was from extra practice that Kuroo had given. 

Kuroo snickered and ruffled Hinata’s hair. “Good luck, Chibi-chan! Kenma’s being clingy today.” 

Kenma lifted his head from Hinata’s shoulder to glare at Kuroo. “Shut it.” There was no bite to Kenma’s words today. 

Kenma suddenly seemed aware of all the attention he was drawing and looked uncomfortable. He grabbed Hinata’s hand, “lets go?” Kenma questioned. 

Hinata glanced at Daichi for permission who smiled and nodded. Hinata smiled. “Yeah, lets go!” 

Kenma had led Hinata to the room the Nekoma team would be sleeping in tonight. There were some rolled up sleeping bags and backpacks scattered about the room. 

Hinata sat down next to Kenma who had plopped down on a random sleeping pack. Kenma hadn’t pulled his PSP out yet which had confused Hinata. Kenma’s hands were trembling slightly making Hinata worry. 

“Kenma? What’s wrong?” Hinata held his hands out for Kenma to grab if he felt like doing so. 

Kenma gently grabbed Hinata’s hands, avoiding eye contact. Kenma’s hands felt cold. Hinata bit his lip. “Kenma?” He prompted. 

Kenma squeezed Hinata’s hands in response. “You remember how I said I wanted to say something too? The other day…” 

Hinata nodded, “yeah! Is it something important? Oh my gosh! Kenma are you _dying?!”_

Kenma chuckled a bit. “No, Sho. I’m not _dying_ but yeah. It’s really important to me and you’re my best friend. So…” 

Hinata’s eyes widened. He leaned closer to Kenma and squeezed his hands, “you can tell me, Kenma! It’s okay!” 

Kenma’s eyes fell to the floor once again. “I’m...not a guy? Well...not _all_ the time at least. Sometimes I’m a girl...or neither...or both-” 

Hinata let out a mixture of a choking noise and an excited noise. “You’re genderfluid!?” 

Kenma nodded slowly, pulling his hands from Hinata’s in fear of his reaction. “Yeah...that. I’ve never had to explain it before...sorry.” Kenma held his hands in his lap. 

Hinata waved his arms around, “No! No! Kenma! It’s okay! I’m not- you’re not- we-” Hinata couldn’t seem to get the words he needed out and Kenma looked more panicked by the second so Hinata pulled his shirt up to show Kenma his binder. Hinata dropped his shirt and plopped in front of Kenma. “I’m...trans. So yeah. You’re like super amazing, Kenma! Even if you aren’t always a guy!” Hinata blurted out awkwardly. 

Kenma blinked and his body sagged in relief. “Sho...that was scary.” Kenma reached out for Hinata’s hand. 

Hinata nodded in agreement and grabbed onto Kenma’s hand. “Hug?” Hinata asked softly. 

Kenma didn’t say anything but shifted himself and wrapped his arms around Hinata. Kenma once again nuzzled his face into Hinata’s shoulder. 

“How long were you worried about telling me?” Hinata whispered. 

“Months. You?” 

Hinata wanted to fling his arms up and yell at Kenma for not telling him sooner but he settled for hugging Kenma tighter. “Barely a week.This morning I was throwing up and panicking because I was so nervous...but Suga knocked some sense into me. I was gonna tell you in a more meaningful way but I panicked.” Hinata snorted. 

Kenma smiled against Hinata’s shoulder but it faltered, “are you feeling better?” 

Hinata nodded softly, “uh huh! Lots better! My stomach doesn’t even feel funny anymore!” 

Kenma slowly pulled out of the hug, “wanna try my new game now?” He asked softly. 

Hinata’s eyes shot open, “Yes! Yes! I do! Will you teach me the controls, Kenma! I always forget!” 

Kenma snorted playfully, “the controls are on the screen, Sho.” 

Hinata pouted, “Where? I don’t see them.” Kenma pointed to the lower left hand of the screen, “oh! So what's the goal in this game?” 

Kenma smiled softly before diving into an explanation of the game completed with gestures to the screen and tips.

After a while of trial and error Hinata had pretty much figured out the mechanics of the game...that being said he still sucked. Kenma took pride in teasing Hinata at his inability to play games skillfully. “Sho. It’s been 15 minutes and you’re still on level one.” Kenma said as Hinata fell into a spike pit again. “And that's the 5th time you’ve fallen into that spike pit.” Kenma’s voice was filled with mirth. Kenma shifted against Hinata’s side where he had been resting his head to get a better view of the screen as Hinata attempted the leve again.

Hinata pouted and passed the PSP back to Kenma who gladly took it and breezed past level one. “It’s just too hard! That stupid spike pit was a trap!” 

Kenma snorted, “I think I know why Kageyama didn’t want you to have your eyes open during your freak spike now...your timing is horrible.” 

“Kenma!” Hinata squawked indignantly. “That’s not true! I just always end up focusing too much on hitting the ball and not jumping!” 

Kenma replied without taking his eyes off the screen. “Maybe your aim sucks then.” Kenma smirked and set the PSP down as he beat the 3rd level. “It’s probably more like how I’ll never be able to hit the spikes Kageyama sets but for you it's playing video games.” 

It was silent for a couple minutes. That wasn’t uncommon with the two of them. Hinata tended to pause a lot while he thought of what to say and Kenma wasn’t going to start a new conversation so it was just silent. 

“Kenma?” Hinata finally said. Kenma hummed in response. “What pronouns do you use?” 

“Any of them are fine but if it's at games, like official games, then he/him…” Kenma paused. “I don’t wanna be called slurs at a game again…” 

Hinata stiffened. “Wha-” 

Kenma cut him off swiftly, “don’t worry though, I’m pretty sure Kuro beat them up.” Kenma smiled fondly at the memory. 

“Are you gonna tell him?” Hinata asked, quickly hopping topics. This was a topic the two of them, mostly Hinata, brought up frequently. 

“I don’t know.” Kenma answered honestly while shifting closer to Hinata. 

“I think you should…” 

“You’ve said that every time since Bokuto and Akaashi got together, Sho.” Kenma rolled his eyes, his chest feeling tight. 

“That’s because they were like you and Kuroo before! Best friends! So if they worked out that means you and Kuroo will too!” 

“The only difference being that Bokuto made it clear since day one he was head over heels for Akaashi…” Kenma glanced at the ground. 

“Well, Kuroo calls you Kitten! That’s romantic in my eyes!” Hinata kicked his legs back and forth. 

“He’s called me that since I was eight, Sho. That’s hardly romantic...What if he says no, Sho?”

“He won't!” Hinata chirps. “Trust me!” Hinata scurries up from his spot nearly causing Kenma to fall over. “You wanna know how I know?” Hinata whispers as if it's a secret. He grins and stands up, puffing his chest out, “because! Shoyo knows all!” 

“You’re failing English, Sho.” Kenma retorts, rolling his eyes. 

Shoyo slaps a hand over Kenma’s mouth, “Shoyo knows all!” He says again. He closes his eyes and pretends to pose heroically. Seconds later a shrill screech erupts from Hinata, “Kenma! That’s gross!” Hinata scrambles to wipe the slobber off of his hands and onto Kenma’s jacket causing Kenma to tumble back and laugh lightly. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Heyo guys! I hope you enjoyed this chapter even tho it was a little bit on the shorter side! ~~remember to point out any typos or errors cuz im stupid and wont notice :3~~ 
> 
> Are you excited for more Kenma and Hinata? I am heheh 
> 
> Also! News in my life! I'm getting a binder soon and Im sooooo hecking excited! hehe 
> 
> and now for the question: Out of anyone in Haikyuu who would you want to be friends with the most? I'd prob wanna be friends with Kenma the most tbh- I just feel like we'd both get along really well. Even if there would be a lack of talkING BECUase I hardly ever talk j;alskdjf;l


	8. Oikawa to the rescue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Oikawa and Iwaizumi show up while Hinata introduces Kenma to ice cream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Right this is short- and was going to end *completely* differently than it does but Plot bunnies overtook my soul and i wanted to write some more oikawa so here he is hehe 
> 
> TW: Slurs (Tr*nny), transphobia (not too in detail cuz i refuse to hurt kenma bb that much), and some violence.

Hinata was talking Kenma’s ear off. Talking about anything he could possibly think of now that the pit of nerves that had vanished. Hinata hadn’t even noticed when Kenma had dozed off. Kenma was leaning against Hinata’s shoulder, gripping his PSP loosely. 

  
Hinata silenced himself mid sentence. Kenma looked different when he was sleeping. Peaceful almost. Hinata grabbed the PSP and set it on the floor near their feet to prevent it from falling and breaking. 

Hinata silently scrolled on his phone for a while. He glanced up when he heard the door creak open. Kuroo peaked his head in and blinked. “Told ya he was being clingy,” he strolled in with his hands shoved in his pockets. Kuroo shifted before looking down at the two of them, “Did he fess up?” 

Hinata nodded, “uh huh. Did he sleep last night?” Hinata gestured to the sleeping figure. 

Kuroo softly kicked a rolled up sleeping bag, “Doubt it, he’s been worried all week, well worse than normal.” Kuroo let out a sigh and plopped to the floor in front of Hinata. He grabbed Kenma’s PSP and passed it from hand to hand. “And did you tell him?” 

Hinata tilted his head. There was no way Kuroo-san should know….right? Suga wouldn't have told him without Hinata’s permission. “Tell him what?” Hinata asked slowly...cautiously. 

“You know, that you're trans.” Kuroo licked his chapped lips and let out a huff as he glanced at Hinata’s expression, “Son of a bitch, I’m not supposed to know that am I?” 

Hinata shook his head with wide eyes, “W-who told you?” 

This prompted Kuroo to press his lips together in confusion. “Daichi- but I don’t think anyone told him- if that's what you were worried about. Daichi just has a knack for knowing those kinds of things.” Kuroo explained calmly. “Took one look at Kitten, who was trying to bind during a game, and got onto him like the dad he is,” Kuroo snorted. 

Hinata tugged his jacket tighter around him. “Oh.” Hinata didn’t like when even his own identity was taken and spread around out of his control. “Yeah….I told him.” Hinata mumbled, gesturing weakly to Kenma. 

Kuroo smacked his lips, “I’m not gonna go around telling anyone. So yeah. Don’t worry ‘bout that Chibi-chan and don’t be mad at Daichi, he probably thought I knew ‘cause of Kenma.”

\------------------

Kenma woke up a couple hours later. Hinata was quick to chatter about something he’d seen online while Kenma was asleep. “Oh! Kenma! It’s time for ice cream! Let’s go!” 

Kenma squawked and tried to pat his hair down. “What? I thought I’d get to wake up more,” Kenma pouted. 

Hinata grinned, “Nope! Now, Come on!” Hinata gently grabbed Kenma’s hand. Hinata pulled Kenma through the halls of the foreign school. He’d passed by Yaku who said something about running in the halls. 

Along the way Hinata had managed to convince Yachi and Yamaguchi to come along with them. Of course he’d tried to convince Tsukishima and Kageyama but Suga said they had gotten in trouble for fighting and weren’t allowed to go. Hinata had pouted and asked Suga to make an exception and almost won but then Daichi stepped in with a firmer stance on the issue and Hinata knew it was hopeless. 

“Kenma! Kenma! How many flavors do you wanna try? Yachi! Kenma’s _never_ had ice cream! Can you believe that?” Hinata bounced around his friends. 

“Never?” Yachi’s mouth hung open in shock, “what do you mean never? I-Ice cream is like the best thing ever!” Yamaguchi laughed softly, moving so he wouldn't be forced off the sidewalk. 

Kenma wanted to hide with all this attention on him, “I just- haven’t ever had it? I prefer ice pops. I guess.” 

  
Yamaguchi perked up, “Ice pops _are_ pretty good! I don’t blame you but ice cream is even better! Plus ice cream had a ton more flavors!” 

Kenma nodded, “What flavor should I get then? I don’t really know what flav-” 

“Strawberry!” Yachi and Hinata offered together with bright eyes. 

Yamaguchi nodded in agreement, “Strawberry is good.” 

Kenma slowed to a stop as he looked at the vaguely familiar ice cream shop. “this is it….Kuro always comes here for ice cream.” 

Hinata dragged Kenma in by the wrist. Kenma looked apprehensive like he knew something was going to go wrong. “Sho…” he whispered desperately. 

Hinata froze and turned to his friend, “Kenma? What’s wrong?” Hinata squeezed Kenma’s hand tightly. 

Kenma glanced to the corner of the shop nervously. “I- uhm. Nothing. Nevermind. Sorry. Let’s just hurry and go? We can eat at the park?” Kenma suggested hurriedly. 

Hinata blinked a couple of times, “Yeah, okay. We just gotta get ours, Yachi and Yamaguchi got theirs already.” 

Kenma’s heart thumped dangerously. As much as he wanted the comfort of holding Hinata’s hand he knew it would just make it worse so he pried his hand from Hinata’s. 

“Two single scoops, strawberry, please!” Hinata chirped as he pulled out the money to pay. Kenma felt himself slouching attempting to make himself smaller. 

Kenma felt vulnerable as he watched Hinata walk off to retrieve their ice cream. Kenma’s heart seized. _He_ was looking directly at him. The familiar pink hair and green eyes, evil smirk. Kenma flinched when Hinata grabbed his wrist. Hinata pulled his hand back instantly. “Kenma? Ken-” Kenma couldn’t hear Hinata over the blood rushing through him. 

“Sho. Let’s go.” Kenma said firmly as he tried to rush out of the shop. Yachi and Yamaguchi both jumped up from their seats. Yachi looked towards Hinata with a confused expression. 

Kenma didn’t get very far before the tall pink haired teen stepped into the path Kenma was taking. “Ahhh, Kozume. What a pleasant surprise. I almost didn’t recognize you. _Tranny._ ” Kenma stumbled back until he felt himself bump into someone. Kenma startled until he noticed it was just Hinata. 

\------

Hinata pushed himself in front of Kenma with an angered expression. He had never felt so angry before. When people called him names it hurt and he got sad... _never angry._ But when he heard those words he felt red hot anger flood his body. He could feel his temperature rising. 

He knew this was a bad situation. Yachi and Yamaguchi wouldn’t step in even if they wanted to. Kenma was too scared. It was up to him. He glanced around the shop. No one seemed to be batting an eye so they must be locals here. Hinata turned to look at Kenma. He would attempt to ignore the tall people behind him. 

Hinata crouched down by Kenma who had slid to the floor with wide eyes, somehow managing to hold both cones in one hand. “Kenma? Hey?” Hinata gently pat Kenma on the cheek. “Ken-oof” Hinata gasped for a breath as he was shoved aside by the pink haired teen. The two cones of ice cream splattered on the floor beside him.

“That was rude of you. I was just trying to have a chat with my _friend_.” 

Hinata went to respond but a familiar voice sounded throughout the shop, “Oh dear! Iwa-chan! He doesn't look very nice! I bet he’s got a mean streak!” Hinata tried to get a solid breath as he looked to see Oikawa smiling widely in an evil-ish way. 

“For once, I have to agree with you, Shittykawa.” Iwaizumi was glaring harshly, almost as if he was bored. 

“What do you say we take care of this? After all, we can’t have Chibi-chan getting hurt before a practice match,” Oikawa clapped his hands cheerfully. “Now, now. I don’t want to get Iwa-chan in trouble like last time so I’ll just-” Oikawa pulled his phone out and started to dial the authorities. 

The pink haired man rolled his eyes and pushed himself up, “Whatever, I’m done here anyways.” 

Oikawa's smile was wiped from his face as the man left the shop. He shoved his phone back in his pocket and strode quickly over to Hinata, leaving Iwaizumi to tend to Kenma. Hinata didn’t have time to say anything before Oikawa yanked his jacket and shirt up just high enough to see Hinata's binder. Oikawa let out a breath, “Good. Good. Got rid of those raggedy bandages. Can you breathe? Any pain? Rattles? Anything not normal? Try to take four deep breaths, ‘kay Chibi-chan?” 

Hinata took four deep breaths as he was asked. He propped himself up. “I’m okay, a little bruised maybe but not dying or anything.” Hinata tried to laugh it off but only ended up coughing. HInata glanced to Kenma who was holding his hand in a death grip. His hand started to go numb but he didn't mind. "Kenma," he whispered, "it's okay? You're okay, right?" Kenma didn't say anything just squeezed Hinata's hand tighter. 

Oikawa lightly pressed his fingers against Hinata's binder, feeling for anything out of place. Hinata squirmed awkwardly, Oikawa had no sense of personal space, he knew that but it still felt awkward.

"Hinata! Oh my god! Are you okay? Are you dying? OH MY GOSH!" Yachi fretted while she tugged on Hinata's spare arm trying to get him upright. 

"I'm okay! I'm okay. We should probably head back though." Hinata offered a small smile, trying to comfort Yachi who had tears in her eyes.

Oikawa stood up, glancing at the first years and Kenma. “Okay! Let's have a little car ride back to the gym and then I can grace them with my presence.” 

“More like curse them” 

  
“Iwa-chan~ Meanie~!” 

Yachi gaped slightly, "Wait! Are you guys joining for the practice matches?" 

"Indeed we are~ We were going to practice with another school but they cancelled last minute and your dear sweet coaches invited us to join in on your matches! Isn't that exciting?" Oikawa grinned as he held the door open, "Look at me, Iwa-chan~ I'm being a gentleman." 

Iwaizumi strolled through the open door, "I hope the door hits you on your way out." Iwaizumi shoved his hands in his pockets and clicked the button on his keys to unlock the SUV.

Hinata said a quiet thank you to Oikawa as he went through the door with Kenma not far behind him. Hinata and Kenma took the back seats so Hinata could comfort Kenma while Yachi and Yamaguchi took the mid section seats. Yachi said something softly to Yamaguchi who was stuck between being angry at Oikawa (still holding a grudge against him for targeting Tsukishima with his serves) and thanking him for saving Hinata. He settled for just staying quiet. 

Oikawa hopped into the front seat and put his phone on the charger. "Ahh, now, Miss.Manager would you happen to know the directions back to the gym because I'm afraid I've forgotten and my phone just died," Oikawa clapped his hands together. 

Iwaizumi sighed when Yachi started panicking, "Shut up, Shittykawa. I can literally see the school from here." Iwaizumi pointed out, which was true. You could see the tall school through the gap between two stores.

Hinata pulled up a random game on his phone and passed it to Kenma. "Here you go," he whispers, moving to wrap his arms around Kenma in a hug so he could have both his hands to play the game. 

Oikawa clapped his hands one last time, "Alright! Are we all buckled?" Hinata couldn't help but laugh softly. Oikawa was acting like one of the overbearing moms he'd seen on TV but it was a nice change from the normal passive aggressive side he'd always seen on the court. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ThERE WAS SOME YacHI AT LAST I HAVENT FORGOTTEN OUR PRECIOUS MANAGER. heheh 
> 
> Sooooo, this isn't the best thing i've ever written but I've got an essay keeping me preoccupied but i hoped you liked it nonetheless. 
> 
> I also tried something new with this chap- it was kinda from kenmas POV for a lil bit, What did you guys think of that? 
> 
> Shameless self promo: If you like marvel (specifically irondad and spiderson ) then you should check out my fic 2 weeks i posted- akljs;dlfk *wink WOnk* 
> 
> Question time: whats your favorite platonic ship in haikyuu? :D


	9. The Hand.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hinata feels the repercussions of the ice cream trip

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: panic attacks, dysphoria, internalized transphobia, self harm (scratching) 
> 
> Theres no fluff in this chap for Hinata but DONT WORRY our precious baby gets all the love next chapter, mkay? I promise (so if you wanna wait until the next chap is up to read this chap i don't blame you a;slkdfjkl) ;alksjdf;l, i Know this is really short but i didn't wanna make our lil bby suffer for that long ja;dkl

Hinata watched Kuroo pace back and forth for at least 3 minutes before he finally stopped, ran his hand roughly through his hair, and continued to pace. 

Kuroo’s cocky grin was wiped from his face in an instant when he saw Kenma’s small form huddled against Hinata. Oikawa had explained what happened as best he could which wasn’t the best considering he only caught the tail end of the scene. 

Kenma shot up from his spot beside Hinata and wrapped his arms around Kuroo whose pacing stopped as a result from the unexpected hug. “I’m fine, Kuro.” Kenma spoke for the first time since they’d gotten back to the gym. “I promise. He didn’t even do anything this time…” 

“Kitten.” Kuroo tensed. Wrapping his arms around Kenma stiffly. “I don’t- I know you said you didn’t want one but can we please readdress the conversation about the restraining order? I’m not legally allowed near him anymore but if he tries this again I _will_ do something about it and I’m not sure you’d like that.” Kuroo seemed physically pained as he tried to calmly address the situation. Hinata could see the familiar rage in the way he carried himself. 

Kenma glanced back towards Hinata for a moment, his eyes flickering to the other people in the room and tensed. He mumbled something to Kuroo, most likely wanting to talk somewhere else, privately. 

Hinata took a deep breath. He’d been trying to focus on his breathing for the past couple minutes as his binder started to dig uncomfortably into his body. He grumbled to himself for a moment before pressing a hand to his chest, a pained expression covering his features. He felt like he was wearing his bandages again. It shot a burst of anxiety through him. He wanted Suga. The one person he knew he could rely on with this. 

“Hinata? Are you okay?” 

Hinata jumped and looked up from the bench. Iwaizumi was looking at him with a blank look that had hints of worry hidden throughout his expression. Hinata lied, “I’m fine.” It felt like one of his old lies. The one he said daily. He didn’t like that. He glanced up again, this time scanning the room for Suga. He frowned when the only people he saw were Yamaguchi, Yachi, Oikawa, Iwaizumi and Kenma and Kuroo talking hushedly in the corner of the room. 

_Thump. Thump. Thump._

Hinata’s mouth felt dry, like cotton, his hands clenched into fists.

“Are you sure?” Iwaizumi asked, softer than before. Hinata nodded. 

Hinata stumbled away from Iwaizumi and Oikawa. Rushing towards one of the bathrooms. He needed to get his binder off. It felt too constricting. He knew it was likely just his anxiety but still. He needed it _off._ He looked around for Suga again. He stumbled against someone as he haphazardly turned to look for Suga. “Woah! What it-”

Hinata’s head snapped to look in front of him. Kageyama was standing there with a faint scowl on his face, Tsukishima not far behind him. Hinata looked between the two scowling teens, nervously. Tsukishima looked at least a little concerned while Kageyama just looked confused. “What’s gotten into you?” Kageyama huffed and crossed his arms. 

Hinata stumbled back, stammering out nonsense while trying to come up with an excuse.”I uhm..I was just..uhmmm.” Hinata froze. He could hear footsteps behind him as well. He tensed. He needed to get out of here. Needed Suga. “My stomach!” He yelped and brushed past Kageyama and Tsukishima. _Not technically a lie_. He thought as he turned a corner. 

Hinata made it to the further stall in the bathroom before breaking down into tears. The familiar invisible hand was back around his throat squeezing until he couldn’t breathe. He bit down on his wrist trying to muffle his sobs as they echoed through the bathroom. His vision blurred as he felt himself _thump_ against the wall. 

He slid down the wall.

Hinata pulled his knees to his chest. He’d tried to get his binder off but his body was stiff. He couldn’t seem to bend to wiggle out of the offending thing. He tried to grab his phone to message someone. _Anyone._ It fell from his grasp and slid under the door. A wobbly sob escaped him as he tried and failed to reach for it.

Hinata knew he needed help. This wasn’t a panic attack he could escape from without help, despite being a panic attack he caused by overthinking. He saw his thighs through his watery eyes and felt his heart clench. _Girl. Girl. Girl_. 

Hinata covered his eyes with his hands.Trying to prevent the horrible thoughts that plagued his mind.He wasn’t a girl. He knew that but his thoughts.Oh, his thoughts. They were horrible. Worse than the schoolyard bullies from middle school, worse than the surge of guilt he felt everytime Natsu called him her sister, worse than the fear he felt every time someone discovered he was trans. So, so much worse than all of that. All of that just fed his thoughts, raised his thoughts into the monster it’s grown to be. 

_A monster._

A monster...was he the monster? His thoughts and himself, they’re one in the same. Are they not? 

No. No.He pressed his palms firmly against the disgusting blue floor. He needed to breathe. Take a breath. A single breath and then one more. The hand around his throat squeezed. Every breath he tried to take ended up as a wheeze for air. 

His nails scratch against the floor. _Not helping_ . He brings his nails to his forearm. There’s still faint marks from the last time. He had been doing so well. _So well_. Why now? What did he do? Did he mess up? Of course he did. It’s always his fault. 

It helps. _It helps._ Hinata gasps for a breath. The hand around his neck seems to weaken. He almost smiles in relief. His limbs ache. His body hurts. His eyes droop. The hand tightens. His eyes shoot open in panic. His desperate battle for a breath continues. He glanced towards his arm and then his nails. His eyes wide with primal fear. Fear for himself. He’s never- He never- He’s never drawn blood before. It’s just a trickle but oh god. 

Bile rises in Hinata’s throat. His throat burns. His head is spinning. He can’t see straight. Tears. Breathe. Breathe. _Breathe!_ He tries to breathe. Oh god. 

His heart seems to freeze, an almost welcomed feeling, when he imagines Suga’s reaction. The pure unadulterated _disappointment_ on their face. No. No. Please no. Hinata presses his hand to the ragged claw marks. 

Kenma. Kenma. Kenma. He feels selfish. Wanting Kenma’s help when Kenma was clearly suffering, in no position to help. So selfish. 

_Creeeeaaak._

Hinata freezes. The hand around his throat constricting. He can’t breathe. He can’t think. None of his thoughts are clear. They’re all foggy. 

“Asahi ! Did you see me just then! The ball was about to hit the ground but I got it! Whoop!” Noya. Noya. Hinata would’ve been comforted by his teammate's voice but the hand. It prevented anything but fear and desperation. 

“Yeah. It was really close. You did good!” Asahi cheered, politely. 

Hinata took small, shallow breaths. His head spins. He tries to take deeper breaths but it doesn’t work. 

“Now! Wash your hands, Asahi! They’re all muddy and gross!” Noya’s voice had a teasing tone to it. 

Hinata could see their legs under the blue stall door. “Well they wouldn’t be muddy if someone hadn’t thrown the ball into mud!” 

Hinata can’t hear them anymore. All he can hear is his shallow breathing. Everything is fading. Disappearing. 

  
_Slam!_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This panic attack is vaguely based of a panic attack I had a couple days ago so i know all too well how Hinata is feeling rn poor baby. BUT FLUFF WILL COME SOOOON fals;kdjf hehehe 
> 
> Question timeee: Whats your favorite grounding song? What song do you play when you need to calm down?
> 
> also did i just post a cliff hanger ? *wink wonk* I would NeveRrrr heheheh


	10. Free.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Noya and Asahi help Hinata out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Blood, panic attacks, bruises, mentions of unhealthy eating schedules, 
> 
> OKAY So FIRST OF All:   
> I know i promised a lot of fluff in this chap but it didnt' seem right to force it at the end BUT FEAR NOT my Children its coming- its definitely coming- this chapter just served as a transition from angst to fluff  
> SECONDly:   
> I know its kinda short but I've been kinda struggling mentally lately- I'm all good though, don't worry your pretty little heads about it ! :3 
> 
> any who, I hope y'all enjoy

_**Recap** _

Hinata can’t hear them anymore. All he can hear is his shallow breathing. Everything is fading. Disappearing. 

_ Slam! _

_**end of recap** _

“-yo! Shoyo! Sho!” Hinata is yanked back into reality. The trickling blood. The invisible hand. Noya.  _ Noya.  _

Noya is here. The hand is gone.  _ Here. Gone. _ Noya is sitting on Hinata’s legs. Pressure. Hinata takes a breath. Hinata likes that. The pressure. It's nice. He can feel his body relaxing.

“Hey Sho, Sho, Stay awake, Kay?” Noya presses his hand to Hinata’s cheek. 

Hinata’s eyes flutter open. He scans Noya’s face. There’s not a shred of disappointment but there's worry. So much worry. Worry he caused. “I’m sorry…” he breathes. 

Noya’s face crinkles into a sad smile, “Aww, don’t worry about it, Sho. You’re okay. You’ll be okay.” 

Hinata can see Noya holding a paper towel to Hinata’s scratches. A pang of panic shoots through him, “I’m not….It was a panic attack...I’m not…” 

Noya nods softly, “I know. We’re gonna clean you up and then you can lay down and rest. Okay?” 

“I’m here! I’m here!” Asahi...Hinata looks towards the entrance of the stall. Asahi is there with the first aid kit. 

Noya works swiftly. Cleaning the scratches, bandaging them. Hinata sits there, slumped against the wall, exhausted. 

Asahi sits beside Noya, helping whenever he can. Asahi grabs Hinata’s hand. More pressure. Good. Hinata’s eyes flick to Asahi’s. More worry. Noya sets the bandaged arm down. 

“Shoyo? Can you tell us what happened?” Noya asks gently. Like a single wrong word would shatter Hinata. 

Hinata sucked in a shallow breath. Searching.  _ Searching _ . What could he say? How could he explain this? He was aware of the stiffness of his arms. The bandages. He couldn’t play.  _ Again _ . It wasn’t long ago he’d been benched for passing out. Another shallow breath. Noya shifted on his legs. He was here. Not floating off in space somewhere.  _ Here. _

Hinata’s eyes flickered around the stall, the grime and faded graffiti on walls of the stall were all he could focus on, “I had a panic attack…” Another wave of lightheadedness washed over Hinata. Hinata for a moment felt like he was back in space but was yanked back to earth with a harsh shallow breath. 

Hinata lifted a stiff arm to try and tug his shirt off. He didn’t have the energy to explain. He needed to breathe. Noya seemed to catch on and gently started to help Hinata remove his shirt. It was a slow process. Hinata accidentally bumped his arm and flinched harshly, multiple times.

\-----

Noya sat back down on Hinata’s legs once the sweaty smelling shirt had been removed. He heard Asahi’s sharp inhale. Worry ate at his mind. He finally looked up to Hinata’s exhausted form and physically flinched. There was a dark blooming bruise spreading along his chest. 

Noya didn’t say anything about the binder. Neither him nor Asahi were surprised. Noya had noticed Suga’s sudden increase of mother henning around Hinata. At first, he’d just suspected Suga was extra worried after Hinata had passed out. Noya had been too so it wasn’t exactly odd. Then, Noya noticed the constant glances at his chest. Not in a sexual way, not at all like that. It was something akin to when Suga found out Noya was trans. Suga had noticed him binding in the middle of a game and Suga  _ never _ let him forget it.

Noya took a deep breath. “Sho. Is it okay if we help get your binder off?” 

Noya saw the familiar hesitance, trust, and acceptance in his eyes. He nodded softly and Noya gestured for Asahi to help Hinata lean off the wall. 

Noya watched Asahi gently hold Hinata off the wall. Noya hesitated as he began to ease Hinata out of the binder. Noya noticed as Asahi gently slid his leg behind Hinata giving more support to Hinata who was limp from exhaustion. Noya winced, his hands trembling as he caught the sight of the faded bruises. 

Noya got the binder off… _ eventually _ . It took longer than it would’ve if Hinata wasn’t pretty much unresponsive. Noya reached for Hinata’s shirt to put it back on him but winced, it was drenched in sweat. Noya glanced up at Asahi who was looking at him with a curious expression. Noya pursed his lips, Noya’s shirt might be a bit too tight on Hinata. 

Noya nodded as an idea hit him, “Asahi!” Noya whispered urgently, pointing a finger at the taller of the three, “Strip!” 

Asahi squawked for a moment before glancing at Hinata. Noya knew Asahi was still a little hesitant about showing off his scars. “Uhm...uhhh Yeah, sure!” Asahi wiggled out of his shirt and passed it to Noya who manuvred it onto Hinata. 

“Sho?” Noya looked at the younger boy who was taking slow deep breaths. Hinata blinked and looked up to Noya, exhaustion present on all of his features. 

  
  


\-------------

“Sho?” Hinata took another deep breath. His bones felt stiff and his muscles burned with exhaustion. He felt like Coach Ukai had just worked him to the bone. 

“I’m…I’m tired…” Hinata’s head spun, his thoughts all flooding together. 

“I know you are. Is there anyone who generally helps? After a panic attack?” Noya asked, tilting his head slightly. 

Hinata’s eyes drooped. His eyes opening every time he almost fell asleep, “Suga….Kenma…” His tired mind provided before he seemed to fall asleep, slumping against Asahi, who caught him. 

Hinata heard Asahi panic for a moment and his eyes fluttered back open. He saw Noya climbing off his legs. Hinata wanted to call out, tell him to sit back down. The sudden lack of pressure had him panicking. His eyes shooting open as if he hadn’t been physically exhausted just moments ago. He felt Asahi’s arms wrap around him, lifting him into his arms. He wanted to protest for a moment but the relief he felt when pressure was back was more than enough to keep him calm. 

“Suga is at the store with Yaki. Kenma is still with Kuroo. Looks like you’re stuck with us. Is that okay?” Noya said playfully though Hinata could hear the underlying worry. 

Hinata nodded softly. “That’s fine….” He mumbled. He was tired. So so tired.His stomach ached for food, grumbling with need. Asahi’s pace slowed. Hinata glanced up through his half closed eyes and saw Asahi looking at him with a scrunched up face. 

“Hinata?” Asahi asked slowly, hesitantly. “When did you last eat?” Hinata thought for a moment...When  _ did _ he last eat? At home. His brain supplied. He remembered now, his mom made oatmeal with blueberries this morning. He elected not to eat a snack on the way here because he was scared he would throw it up and he wanted to avoid another terrifying event like that again.

“Home.” Hinata answered weakly. He felt Asahi’s arms tense around him.

Hinata vaguely heard Asahi grab Noya’s attention, saying something about getting a snack. Hinata nearly flinched when he heard the gym doors open. There was a faint squeak of shoes. Practicing he thought. Then he froze. It was too silent for them to be practicing. That squeak of shoes had been the entire gym freezing in place. He could feel all of the eyes on him. He held his injured arms close and hid his head from the view of everyone. He didn’t want anyone to see or question him. 

Hinata had been so focused on the loud silence that he hadn’t noticed when it stopped. There was the rain pitter pattering on the sidewalk, the wind blowing the leaves on the trees, the occasional car driving by. It was chilly. Hinata preferred cold weather over hot weather, it was easier to practice in.

Hinata felt a chill throughout his body as he opened his eyes. Asahi was looking straight ahead for a moment before he glanced down, as if checking to see if Hinata was still there. Hinata blinked, confusion flooded his mind. There was a look in his eyes that Hinata hadn’t seen before. Well, he had, just not geared towards him.  _ Worry.  _ He’d seen that look when Noya constantly took nose dives towards the gym floor while trying to keep a ball in play.

“Asahi?” Hinata coughed. The words felt like sandpaper in his throat. 

  
“Hmm? Uhh, what?” Asahi stumbled slightly as he took a sudden turn, nearing the school building they would be sleeping in. 

“Are you okay?” Hinata asked quietly. Hinata felt Asahi’s stop. Asahi looked down at him with an incredulous expression. 

“Am  _ I _ okay? Hinata you’re the one that had a panic attack, not me!” Asahi spewed the words out while looking around frantically. 

“Well, yeah but…” Hinata coughed again, rubbing his throat tenderly, “You’re worried.” 

Asahi sighed. The sigh scarily resembled one of Daichi’s and for a tense moment Hinata was worried he’d somehow disappointed Asahi. Did he do something wrong? Did he  _ say _ something wrong? Asahi shook his head gently, “I’m fine, Hinata. Noya should be waiting for us with some food for you.”    
  
Hinata’s stomach grumbled  _ loudly _ . Hinata blushed and looked away mumbling an agreement. Asahi seemed to walk swiftly now. Hinata watched raindrops plop onto the concrete beneath them. The awning kept them dry for the most part but the sporadic wind would occasionally blow rain on the two of them. 

Asahi opened the door to the building. Then walked through the halls, all without talking. Then opened the door to the familiar room. He’d stayed in this room before. The last time they trained here. 

Noya was scrambling around the room, grabbing various blankets and pillows from everyone's bags. There was a bag of food sitting on the floor near the pile of blankets and pillows. 

“Sho! You’re here!” Noya scrambled up to the two of them. “We’re gonna have a movie afternoon! And no, you can’t say no!” Noya propped his hands on his sides with a beaming grin. 

  
Hinata just  _ knew _ he wouldn’t be able to get out of this...plus he kinda wanted to spend some time with the two of them. He knew they were both trans. It was...comforting in its own way. He felt _free_. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Soooooo, There was lots of noya and asahi in this chapter :3 I'm not too confident in how I wrote Asahi he seemed kinda out of character but ahH 
> 
> How are y'all? Its been a hot min. Are y'all doing good? You better be or i'll have to steal some kneecaps 
> 
> Question time: What's your favorite haikyuu headcanon? Mine would probably have to be aromantic!(literally anyone I just thrive on aromantic fics and theres not enough of them if you got any good ones for haikyuu or bnha hook me tf up fam)

**Author's Note:**

> Feel free to call me out on typos - I wrote this at 5am.


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